It can be very awkward when someone asks if your child knows if they are adopted, especially when the child is standing within earshot.
Adoptive parents get peppered with questions and comments from curious strangers who are often insensitive to families feelings. People should be more sensitive to others, especially asking such personal questions in front of an adopted child. Unfortunately, not everyone is up to date on social etiquette.
Here are a few snappy answers to let the person know that they are out of line asking such personal questions.
10 Best replies to ‘does you child know that they are adopted?’
1. Well, she does NOW. Thanks.
2. Well if she didn’t all she’d need is a mirror.
3. Shhhhh, keep it down, I don’t want my husband to find out she’s not his!
4. We appreciate your interest, but we consider our child’s adoption information to be private.
5. It is very important to us that our child’s adoption information is not talked about publicly.
6. Let’s change the subject. We are waiting until our daughter is older to have the adoption conversation.
7. Not yet, please let’s change the topic of conversation.
8. He is not old enough yet to understand that he is adopted. When the time is right we will tell him.
9. No, and we would appreciate it if you didn’t bring it up with him.
10. We ask for your kindness and understanding as we keep our child’s adoption information private. We appreciate you respecting our decision.
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Why do people wait to tell kids that they are adopted?
Parents wait to tell kids that they are adopted for many different reasons. Some folks want their child to be old enough to understand the process of adopting a child. Children may need to be ready to emotionally understand, as it may come as a shock and be upsetting and confusing for a child.
Some folks like to wait until their child is confident and have a strong identity within the family. The decision to wait to share adoption news is with the child’s best interests, when they are ready to process their unique adoption story.
More snappy adoption comebacks you might like
- How to reply to where is her real mom
- Clever replies when people ask if your adopted children are really siblings
- Read more answers to rude parenting questions
How to handle people asking if your child knows they are adopted
There will come a time when parents get inquiries about whether or not your child knows if they are adopted, and you will want to handle questions firmly and politely. The ultimate goal is to protect your child’s privacy and well being. Here are a few ways to handle the situation:
1. Redirect the conversation: Politely acknowledge the question and then redirect the conversation to a different topic. For example, you might say, “We appreciate your interest, but we prefer to keep our child’s adoption information private. How about we talk about [insert different topic] instead?”
2. Set Boundaries about your child’s adoption: Politely let people know that this is a topic that you are not willing to discuss and is a personal matter.
3. Educate about adoption: Explain that adoption comes with it’s own unique challenges and that you have made this choice a long time ago. Explain your reason for your decision, and request that they respect your child’s privacy.
Remember that you always have the right to protect your child’s privacy and emotional well-being. Not all private family matters need to be discussed, and it is OK to decline to engage in the top of your child’s adoption.
Lauren who was upset when people talked about her child’s adoption in front of her
Lauren had made the difficult decision to keep her child’s adoption a private matter, shielding them from the complexities of their origin. Ass her daughter grew older, curious inquiries from well-meaning friends and acquaintances about the child’s background began to surface. Each time someone broached the subject, Lauren felt a pang of anxiety, unsure of how to navigate the delicate balance between protecting her child’s privacy and addressing the genuine curiosity of others.
During a neighborhood gathering, a neighbor innocently asked her daughter about their adoption, catching Lauren off guard. Sensing her child’s confusion and discomfort, Lauren swiftly intervened, gracefully deflecting the question while maintaining her child’s dignity and emotional well-being.
As they left the gathering, she knew that the time had come to have an open and honest conversation with her child about their adoption, ensuring that they felt secure and supported in their journey of self-discovery.
In the days that followed, Lauren sat down with her child, gently explaining the circumstances of their adoption with love and reassurance. She emphasized the strength and courage it took to bring them into their family, instilling a sense of pride in their unique story.
Together, they navigated the emotions and uncertainties that arose, fostering a deeper bond built on trust and understanding. Through this heartfelt conversation, Lauren and her child found solace in the unbreakable love that bound them together, embracing their shared history with compassion and resilience.
The Role of counselling and self care
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When you are dealing with a person who asks if your child knows they ‘re adopted and you find it stressful, consider getting support from a professional. Talking to a counselor is a great way to work through a challenging situation, and help you find some strategies to work through the person’s behaviour.
Better Help is a great resource where you can talk to a counselor from the comfort of your own home.
Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish, and you will feel better in the long run.
