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Stop getting verbally bullied

Not everyone you meet will like you

Some people just won't like you no matter what you do
Sad lonely young woman looking down isolated on gray wall background

Not everyone is going to like you, it’s the cold hard truth and maybe it sucks, but that’s just reality. Some folks will never become your super fans no matter how much time and energy you invest into trying to win them over. Try not to take it personally, because there is nothing you can do, you have no control over other people’s opinions.

You are not going to have mental affinity with every single person that you meet, and that’s OK. When you think about it, there are people that you just naturally relate to like more than others. Think back to when you met someone you instantly liked and you just got each other, the jokes, the shows and people you followed.

If someone doesn’t like you don’t waste your valuable life energy trying to win the person over. Be kind, be civil, think nice thoughts about the person, and move on with your life and focus on yourself.

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Don’t change who you are to get others to like you

Don’t change who you are to please others, you have so many unique and wonderful gifts that people appreciate about you. Focus on the great people in your life who already know how amazing you are, and what you bring to the table in a friendship or relationship.

Think about it, why do you really care if someone doesn’t like you? In the grand scheme of your life, it doesn’t matter, you have got shit to do, you are an important person, you were put on this earth for a reason.

If you keep getting the same negative response from people, you may want to reflect on your behaviour in certain situations. Perhaps there is something you need to change in the way that you relate to others? OK, this is going to sound really woo woo, but consider what are you putting out in the world towards people. Are you being critical or negative towards individuals who have a strange response to you?

I have found that when you think negative thoughts about people they can actually sense it. When I stopped thinking negative thoughts about people my life totally transformed and I no longer had issues with anybody. The person may think that you don’t like them and they could be projecting that back to you.

At the end of the day, keep on being you and focus on the great things in your life.

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Got any comments, questions or tips for dealing with someone who doesn’t like you? Share them in the comments below.

When a friend is a clandestine bully

My friend is a bully



Have ever had a friend who is a clandestine bully who snipes at you and makes rude comments? You can only be left wondering if this person is really your friend at all.

Today we are interviewing Cali, who dealt with a friend who kept insulting her. Cali’s roommate would make rude and snide comments towards her in public and when they were alone. Her roommate, Lina, could actually be pretty nice, but she had this horrible side that would come out and say nasty things.

So how did you meet your roommate?

We actually worked at the same office, we were both going back to school and we decided that we should share an apartment for two years. At work, she seemed incredibly nice, kind and professional so it looked like we would be a good fit to live together.

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

Our FREE Starter Guide will show you the 3 simple steps you can take right now to stand up for yourself so that you can feel confident. It’s a game changer–get it free for a limited time!

When did your roommate start making comments to you?

Lina was fine for the first six months, then she would start to make snide little digs at me every now and again.

How did you respond to her put downs and rude comments?

When she first started making snide comments I was taken aback and a little astonished. I wasn’t quick enough on my feet to say something back to her. I don’t verbally attack people, it’s not who I am so I put up with it for the first little while, until she escalated her behaviour and started publicly embarrassing me.

Can you share how she publicly embarrassed you?

Well, it is embarrassing even to tell it here. I said to Lina one day that I wish my breasts were a little bit bigger. I wasn’t about to run out and get breast implants or anything like that, I was pretty happy with my body but a slightly larger chest would have been nice.

Lina had a large chest but it wasn’t the kind that you wished you had. She was overweight and had saggy breasts. She was attractive enough, in a matronly kind of way.

Lina started making weird comments to me about how her breasts were so big and mine were so small. It was a little strange.

After a while, Lina started making rude comments to me publicly. We had eight friends over for a get-together, there were men and women there. During the evening when everyone was there, Lina mentioned how her breasts were so big and if she had to paint the room with her chest it would take her two minutes, but it would take me two weeks because my chest was so much smaller than hers. I could tell other people thought it was a little weird. I was horrified that she would stay such a thing.

How did you respond when she publicly embarrassed you?

Well, I just took it. I was so shocked that someone would say something like that to me publicly, especially in front of mixed company. I was dumbfounded, I couldn’t believe it.

Did you just let it go, what happened?

Well, a couple of weeks later, she said to me “Do my breasts look too big in this shirt?” I responded by saying, “Your chest would probably look a little less saggy in a different shirt.

Lina never mentioned her large breasts to me again. Standing up to her verbally shut her up for good.

Are you still friends?

Well, Lina had some nice traits, she was smart and funny but at the end of the day, she felt comfortable putting me down publicly and embarrassing me in front of others. That’s not exactly what I would describe as a friend.

After all her insults, I decided that I just didn’t want to be around her anymore. In fact, I didn’t want to ever see her again. She had several people drop out of her life and never want to see her again, which is kind of telling.

How did you end the relationship?

I decided to move at a time that wasn’t convenient for her but I didn’t care. Lina was really pissed off about it, but the thing is I felt so uncomfortable around her after her rude behaviour, she really brought it all on herself.

I haven’t seen her since I moved, although I read about her sometimes because she is very successful in her field and is sometimes in media articles. I am really glad about the decision to end the friendship and to have moved on. I just wish that I had found your site I Should Have Said.. earlie, I would have come up with a much better comeback and shut her up earlier. Maybe things would have turned out differently.

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

Our FREE Starter Guide will show you the 3 simple steps you can take right now to stand up for yourself so that you can feel confident. It’s a game changer–get it free for a limited time!

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Got any comments, questions or tips for dealing with a friend who makes snide comments? Share them in the comments below.

Using snappy comebacks can help stop bullying

Using funny comebacks can help with bullies

Watch our free training on how to bully proof your child.

Our web site constantly receives emails from people who tell us that using the comebacks have really helped them out, stopped or reduced bullying and we have even been told that the comebacks have “saved their lives” (OK that may be an expression but still significant).

Bullies often pick targets who they know will not respond, someone they can identify as an easy mark. If you are quick witted, and say something funny, the bully may move on seeking another target and leave you alone. When you are being picked on you may feel vulnerable, so having a snappy comeback ready can disarm your bully.

Bullies like to show off in front of their friends, so they want you to react, get upset and show emotion, instead respond calmly and zing them with a comeback. It may even make their friends laugh at the bully and defuse situations. They are looking for someone who they think they will be able to get away with it, someone unlikely to respond, or protect themselves.

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Who do Bullies Target?

Bullies often prey on what they consider to be a perceived weakness or contrast they can highlight. Most of us have something different about us that bullies may try to use against us.

  • People who are different in some way – whether that is their looks, weight, accent, clothing or interests.
  • Kids who are small for their age and may not be able to defend themselves
  • Those who will react quickly to their taunts by getting upset or crying
  • Anyone who may not do well at school or who is not very athletic
  • Anyone who may be socially anxious or struggles with shyness
  • Sometimes bullies pick people who are popular and well liked out of jealousy
  • Kids who have a great obsession they talk about a lot and are proudly engaged in.

One thing that you can do is be prepared for a verbal bully. Go through the site and pick a few good comebacks that are appropriate for your situation and that you feel comfortable saying. Practice using the comebacks, and then get a relative or close friend to test you on your response and delivery. We’ve found it best to be assertive and humorous when talking back, but not angry or reactive which gives bullies energy to feed on. Hopefully you already have some strategies and a plan.

If the bullying persists, or starts to get out of control, keep a record of the events and then report the situation to your school or your employer. Remember, no one deserves to be bullied.

One parent from Texas shared how she couldn’t believe the level of hatred she felt for her child’s bully, which is a natural response. As a parent you want to protect your child, and in a bullying situation you may feel you have very little control and can’t help. By age ten or earlier, kids should know the difference between right and wrong, and they are fully aware of what they are doing. As a parent you may feel like you are dealing with the result of someone’s morally bankrupt kid. Dealing with a bully takes a tremendous toll on the entire family and it is normal to have feelings of disgust and resentment. We suggest that be channeled into some of the proactive actions above and active monitoring of the situation, and getting feedback from other parents.

Sign up here: to watch the free workshop to bully proof your child. We will walk you through what to do to stop your child from being bullied.

Dealing with a Bully

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The ideas, procedures, and suggestions contained within this work are not intended as a substitute for consulting with your counselor. All matters regarding your relationships require professional supervision. The author shall not be liable or responsible for any loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or suggestions within this blog. You, as a reader of this website, are totally and completely responsible for your own health and relationships.

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