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5 Powerful phrases for dealing with difficult people

Powerful phrases for dealing with difficult people

All of us have to deal with difficult people at some point in our lives. It could be your boss, sister in law or your child. 

It’s important to stay calm and respectful when dealing with difficult people, as this can help to defuse the situation and make it more likely that you will be able to find a resolution.

Dealing with difficult people can be challenging, but there are some phrases that may be helpful in managing the situation.

5 Useful phrases when dealing with difficult people

  1. “I understand how you feel.” This shows that you are empathetic and are trying to see things from their perspective.
  2. “Can you help me understand what you need?” This statement helps to clarify their position and can also help to diffuse tension.
  3. “I’m sorry if I’ve done something to upset you.” This can help to deescalate the situation and shows that you are willing to take responsibility for your actions.
  4. “Could we try to find a compromise?” This shows that you are willing to find a solution that works for both of you.
  5. “Let’s take a break and come back to this later.” Is a great phrase if things are getting heated, it can be helpful to take a break to cool down and come back to the discussion when you are both in a more level-headed state.

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Jenny’s family were tired of her difficult ways

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Jenny’s siblings had always found her difficult to deal with. She was the kind of person who would ruin a family  event and would get upset if she didn’t get her way. One year at Christmas, she sat in the corner  and refused to watch a holiday movie, a family tradition that had been going on for years.

The difficult behavior started when Jenny  was younger, but it continued as she got older and she didn’t seem to gain the maturity of her siblings. Jenny left her family wondering why she was so disagreeable and difficult to deal with?

If you are experiencing frustration dealing with a difficult person you can take advantage of the resources and support available to you. BetterHelp, an online counseling service, can match you with a therapist and then you can text, call or video conference with.  It can be helpful to talk to someone outside of your family to get an unbiased understanding of the situation.

Why do people behave in such a difficult way?

There are many reasons why people have difficult behavior. 

Some possible explanations are:

  1. They are experiencing negative emotions: People may act difficult if they are feeling stressed, angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed. These emotions can cause them to behave in ways that are challenging or confrontational.
  2. They feel threatened: People may act difficult if they feel that their needs or interests are being threatened. They may become defensive or combative in order to protect themselves.
  3. They have communication barriers: People may act difficult if they have difficulty expressing their needs or understanding others. This could be due to language barriers, cultural differences, or other communication challenges.
  4. They have past traumas: People may act difficult if they have experienced past traumas or have unresolved emotional issues. These experiences can affect their behavior and make them more prone to reacting negatively in certain situations.
  5. They have personality traits that make them challenging: Some people may have personality traits that make them more prone to acting difficult. For example, they may be naturally confrontational or have a tendency to be controlling or dominant.

It’s important to keep in mind that people may act difficult for a variety of reasons, and it can be helpful to try to understand the underlying causes of their behavior in order to find a resolution.

More posts you might like:

5 powerful phrases for the difficult people in your life.

Do you have any powerful phrases that people can use when dealing with difficult people that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

Don’t listen to what people say

Don’t listen to what people say

Don’t listen to what people say when it comes to opinions or advice about your life. People are always going to have an opinion about what you should be doing and how you should live your life.. It’s human nature, it’s not surprising that your mom, your sister, and your best friend have something to say about your situation. 

Some people shouldn’t be giving advice yet they do it anyway. And a lot of the time, you shouldn’t listen. 

Here’s a criteria to see if you should listen to what people say and determine if their advice is relevant. 

Has the person achieved the goal that you are trying to accomplish?

Don’t’ listen to what people say when they squash your dreams

You should never listen or take advice from a person who hasn’t achieved the goal that you are trying to achieve. It’s kind of like your broke neighbor telling you how you should invest your money in crypto currency. Do you think you should listen to your brooke neighbor or from Warren Buffett, who has made billions of dollars and has success everywhere he turns? You could listen to your neighbor, but it’s probably not going to work out too well for you. 

If you are looking for a mentor, find someone who is at least five steps ahead of you or has accomplished the goal. There are coaching programs out there for almost everything nowadays. I have a coach who has accomplished the goal I am working towards with my online business. I often find his advice hard to take, and painful but it helps me get closer to the result I am looking for. Without his honest feedback, it would take me a lot longer to get to the top of the mountain.

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

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Is the advice relevant for today’s world?

Don’t listen if the advice is not relevant today

Some folks from different generations like to tell others what they should be doing. News flash, the world has changed dramatically from twenty years ago. You should also not listen to advice that isn’t relative for today’s world. 

My mother is always giving her grandson advice, but it’s relevant to a world 30 years ago that doesn’t exist today. She wants him to go to university to study any random subject just to come out with a degree. Modern companies like Google no longer base hiring on a degree, they give potential employees tests to see if they are capable of doing the job.

Companies like Upwork test people on their platform to see how proficient people are at a skill that they are offering like coding. Customer reviews on these platforms is what gets contractors hired today. There are many different new skills that young people need to learn.

If my son followed Grandma’s advice he would graduate with plenty of debt but not a lot of opportunities. With jobs being outsourced all over the world we have try different approaches and even think about starting a business. 

I don’t personally think it’s the best advice for today’s world. And my son listens. And he says thank you, and he’s pursuing his own goals. And it makes her very angry that he is not actually doing what she suggests, but he’s following people from the modern world who have the result that he wants.

Does the person giving you advice have their own agenda?

Don’t listen if someone has a personal agenda

If someone is trying to sell you something or they have an agenda you have to consider whether they have your best interests at heart or their own. Maybe the person does care about you, and they’re able to help you but if they are going to benefit from you making a decision to join their coaching program or do whatever, take it with a pinch of salt.  If the person does have an agenda, it may be the best course of action for you.

Don’t listen to haters or negative people

There are naysayers out there that love to shoot down other people’s dreams. The unfortunate part is that it is often our closest relatives or friends who shoot down what’s most important to us. There will always be dream squashers. Life is short, do what you want to do! 

Not everyone is capable or experienced enough to give you great advice. And you shouldn’t just be blindly listening to people because it could put yourself at risk. And they might mean well, but it’s still not helpful.

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Don't listen to what people say to you

Do you have a tip for determining when not to listen to what people say that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

Do their actions reveal their bad intentions?

How to tell if someone has bad intentions

I am watching a mesmerizing show called Succession, where the parents are indifferent or have bad intentions toward their children. 

A lot of us have experienced bad intent in a relationship where somebody will say the right thing, but their actions convey something different.

What really matters is intentionality, which can be either

  1. Positive for someone 
  2. Neutral as in, I don’t really care what happens to you
  3. Firmly against someone

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

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As in a video game, there are non-playing characters who are neutral, and you kind of just ignore them as you go about your video game. 

There are characters that are allies who are with you, which would be a positive parent or friend.

And then your enemy is someone that’s against you. And if you do nothing to counteract it, you get blown out in the game. 

So similarly, in the game of life, if you pretend, that person is for you when they’re not, you can be left vulnerable and exposed. The worst thing is when you have someone in your inner circle who has negative intentions toward you.

In a video game, Instead of recognizing the bad intent and fighting the enemy with weapons, they’re basically just standing there and getting shot. Some of us feel like we are getting shot when someone makes a negative comment or continually crosses our boundaries.

bad intentions quote

5 traits of people with bad intentions

  1. People with bad intent  don’t care if their actions have a negative effect on other people’s lives.
  2. When a person has bad intent they try to get a rise out of you and push your buttons.
  3. People with bad intent try to triangulate and turn others against each other.
  4. People with bad intentions have an agenda when they meet someone for their own gain.
  5. A person with bad intentions doesn’t care if they hurt you.

Does anyone in your life act with bad intentions towards others?

So my question for you is do you have anyone who is acting with bad intentions towards you? Just be aware and observe them the next time you are around them and see if you can put the person in one of the three intention categories.

You may need to set up some boundaries, which will help you set some limits with those who can be difficult or have bad intentions. Setting boundaries with others can truly change your life.

You only have one life to live, don’t waste it spending time with people who have bad intentions towards you

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Do you have a tip for determining bad intent that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

7 strategies to help your child deal with teasing at school

Most parents get very upset when they find out that their child is being teased at school. And it might even remind you of when you were in elementary school. 

If you grew up in a family who told you that you shouldn’t respond to being teased, it’s probably even more distressing for you. Because you were never taught the skills of how to verbally stand up for yourself. 
But there’s tons of different ways that you can help your child have a better experience if they’re getting teased at school, camp or wherever they go.

1.  Getting teased in elementary school is pretty much a given

I have received thousands of emails from parents and children about getting teased or picked on at school. And I want you to know that every child gets picked on at some point in time. And it would be very unlikely that your child will make it all the way to grade 12 without getting teased.

When your child expects to get teased at some point, then when it happens, it isn’t such a shock. 

Ask your child to come to you if they’re getting teased and let them know that you’ll help them come up with some ways to handle the situation.

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2.  Don’t look at teasing with a victim mentality

A lot of times teasing isn’t personal. Sometimes it is, but a lot of times kids are just roaming the playground looking for someone to see who they can get a reaction out of. They’re just looking for potential targets. 

Make sure that your child knows that they’re not alone. Every child is going to go through getting teased at some point in time. And when we realize that it isn’t personal, it’s just something kids do. It’s a little easier to process and to handle. 

A mother who I will call, Caitlyn,was beside herself because her child was being bullied when in fact, it was just simple teasing on the playground. But she made it such a big deal. She made her son feel like a victim. And that he was a victim of bullying when it was simple teasing, she could have made it not a big deal and taught him how to respond and he would have been much better off.

Tell your child not to react when being teased

3.  Bullies are trying to trigger people

When bullies see a reactive kid, they’re like, Wow, perfect target. The bully is looking for how your child responds to being teased. So tell your child not to overreact when someone is trying to trigger them, let it roll off their back. 

Tell your child not to looked shocked or show a physical reaction when someone is trying to wind them up. If your child gets upset, the bully will probably continue

Tease your kids at home to prepare them for school

4. Allow banter and some fun teasing at home

You can tell kids whose parents don’t joke around or have any fun or teased at home, because when it happens to them at school, they’re absolutely shocked and flabbergasted. 

And there’s a blogger who I really, really respect. And she demands absolute respect at home with her children. And I can see why she wants that. And I think it’s an admirable goal. But one of her rules is no teasing. And if the older kids tease, they’re sent to bed with no dinner for the night. And it’s to teach respect. 

Well, that’s all fine but her daughter is going to be a perfect target when she goes to school because she’s never been in a situation where there’s teasing and she’s not going to know how to handle it compared to someone who’s used to fun and banter at home. 

In our house we tease and we joke around all the time. It’s not malicious. It’s just in a fun way with wit and humour. And I’ve trained my kids that when somebody picks on them, it just bounces off their back and to say something fun back, preferably with humour. And usually when you have quick wit or you have a really clever comeback or reply, it just sort of stops the bully in their tracks because it’s not what they’re expecting. 

And bullies  like to pick on people who are going to make them look foolish. So they’re not they don’t want people who are clever with the replies because that’s not an easy target. That’s a lot of hard work. So allow fun banter at home. 

Teenagers tease and razz each other

5. Understand that as kids get older and they become teenagers, they will razz and tease their friends

A teenager was telling me a funny story the other day and he was saying that to one of his friends. They could throw pinecones at him and he would still be standing. I asked what does that even mean? And he said that they just teased him so much and it just rolls off his friend’s  back, he doesn’t have a care in the world. 

And because he doesn’t over react  he doesn’t get wound up even more. And that’s a great way to handle it.  Because your friend group who loves you will be teasing you and your child needs to be prepared for that. 

One girl, I’ll call her Jojo was the only child and she didn’t experience teasing in her household. It was just her and her mom. And she had a friend’s make a joke that she was dating this boy, and obviously, he wouldn’t have been her type.  

But they just kept teasing her and winding her up. And a normal person would have laughed it off and said, Yeah, right. Oh, yeah, I just liked him so much have said something silly. But she just started sending direct messages to all of her friends saying. “Don’t you say this about me!” And how dare you embarrass me! 

And she had just really were not developed muscle in the area where it comes to friends just joking around or having fun. And she didn’t know how to respond. And she didn’t know how to handle the situation, as a lot of people at her age group would have.

Know that this is coming down the pipeline with friend groups. So when your child is that age, and the friend group is teasing, and it’s not malicious, expected and understand it’s just part of being a teenager. And this is very different from malicious, hateful speech. This is just joking around.

Teach your child verbal self defense to help with teasing

6. Set yourself up for success by teaching your children verbal self defense to deal with teasing

Now, I have to tell you, running a large verbal self defense website, I didn’t even realize that I would have to teach my children verbal self defense in advance. One of my kids was getting picked on and it escalated because of a covert highly manipulative bully. And if I had taught him some skills, we could have avoided a big part of the problem would it have happened, I can’t say, right. What I did after the bullying is I taught my son techniques that I teach my students in verbal self defense, and that’s what to say how to say it, and how to respond and how to be prepared, and shut down a bully in any situation. 

And I think it’s one of the best things that parents can do, because it is a given, you’re going to get picked on at some point in time. And it just brings unbelievable confidence. And you know, people like people who don’t respond. 

So when your child knows what to say, there’s a pretty good chance, it’s not going to get worse, and escalate. And of course, there’s always the exception. But I think it’s the best investment parents can make to bullyproof their kids is teach them verbal self defense. And the other benefit of it is it’s really quick. You can do it in an hour and a half with our system. And it’s a skill that lasts a lifetime. 

A lot of people that buy my products are like middle aged people who’ve never been taught this skill, and it leads to years of frustration. So learning it at a young age is such a blessing. You do your kid a huge, huge favor. 

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7. Teasing is a mental confidence game

So you want your kids to show up with unbelievable confidence. And the way you bully proof is you prepare children for events. So you tell them they’re going to be teased to tell them how to handle it. And they just show up with confidence and they know what to expect when things happen at school and they have a much better reaction than the kid who isn’t prepared. If you need a little bit of help bulletproofing your child I’ll include a link to our free workshop below. But just know there are a lot of things that parents can do to help their kids and to help them have a much better experience.

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Do you have a tip for shutting down teasing that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

7 ways to help your child shut down teasing quickly

Why I started teaching verbal self defense

How I started teaching verbal self defense

One of the things that people always ask me is how did you end up teaching verbal self defense. And it is kind of an unusual story. 

I was at the planetarium with my two kids and they were ages five and seven years old at the time. And my oldest just innocently said to me, “Oh, the earth looks ugly.” And I don’t know if you have a child, but I can guarantee you, most children say silly things at some point in time, it’s not unusual. So he said, ‘the earth looked ugly.” I’m like, Okay, I actually think it looks quite beautiful. 

There was a little boy sitting next to us. And he mentioned to me pointing at my son, “he  said, the earth looked ugly!” because my son had said it again. And I’m like, “Well, yeah, he did. He’s entitled to his opinion”, thinking nothing of it, thinking it’s not a big deal. 

Well, about two minutes later, this man comes running or should I say stomping, across the room. And he says, “Don’t you, talk to my son like that, how dare you. And I can see why your husband left you!”

I didn’t have my wedding ring on that day. And I just couldn’t believe it. I was sitting there, and there were 20 families, everybody in the room was staring at me, including my two children. 

And I just couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know what to say. And I responded with, “I’m still married.” I just couldn’t believe that I responded like such a buffoon. I was so angry, humiliated and upset. 

How I came up with the idea for the verbal self defense web site

For two weeks, I was walking around thinking I should have said, I should have said, and then I got the idea for the website. 

And I also had another relative who says, the most horrible abominable things, and this person has been saying them to me my entire life. It’s like it’s not anything new. This person is equal opportunity and says horrible things to everyone, everybody. So it’s not like I’m special! But I’ve had to deal with this. And I needed to have better skills to deal with it.

 And so I thought that I should have said the website would not only help me, but would just help so many other people that have to deal with verbal bullies, because this is something that we all have to deal with at some point in our life.

Do comebacks and verbal self defense actually work?

People will ask me, “Do comebacks actually work?”  And I tell you, it is like having a superpower, they really work. And they just shut people down because people’s brains just aren’t wired to respond. And we have a proven system that I teach people that leaves people speechless. 

And every day, I receive emails from people thanking me and I got one this morning, it was from a girl who said that she’d been teased her entire life for being called skinny by her family, and everyone would make fun of her. She’d learned how to stand up for yourself and have more confidence, which was my goal. I just love getting these emails, knowing that I’m helping people empower themselves and stand up for themselves. 

A lot of people are shamed by verbal bullies. And what verbal bullies usually do is they will pick on somebody who they think won’t respond. So if you’re a timid kind person, you’re a perfect target for a verbal bully. 

The goal of my I should have said website is to empower people just to give them the skills to feel good to feel strong to be able to stand up for themselves, and we are not for bullies, we are there to defend ourselves against bullies. 

And I actually had a couple of friends unfriend me on Facebook, because they thought I was creating something mean to hate on people. But that’s not the truth at all. I do not support that at all. I’m only there to help people who are being picked on because I know how it feels.

 And my kids also have have experienced verbal bullying and other people have experienced it as well clearly because at one point, my website was getting a million page views a month. And there are some very popular posts. And so on the website, the posts for what to say when people call you ugly has a worse I believe 73,000 votes. So you can tell that if enough people responded to a poll, I think only 10% respond to polls. It’s a pretty big problem. And a lot of people have had to deal with that. 

So if somebody insults you, you know, you’re not the only one and you’re in aren’t alone. 

You must be in a safe situation when using comebacks and verbal self defense

The only thing with verbal self defense I really want you to know is you must make sure that you are in a safe situation, you don’t want to be out at 3 am on the street using a comeback. Always make sure you’re safe if you’re going to use them. 

And it is like a superpower. So don’t use comebacks for harm. I always say that to people. You know, people are always amazed at how well it works. Our system shuts people down really quickly. And it is a superpower and you know, I’ve used it with relatives, I’ve used it at the grocery storage people who are obnoxious. The bullies didn’t think that someone like me would respond, you know, and they just, I see the shame in their eyes after for being abusive to like an innocent person who wasn’t doing anything.

If you need some help standing up for yourself, our free guide How to Sand up for Yourself the Easy Way can help you out.

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Do you have a tip for verbal self defense that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.