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Why I started teaching verbal self defense

How I started teaching verbal self defense

One of the things that people always ask me is how did you end up teaching verbal self defense. And it is kind of an unusual story. 

I was at the planetarium with my two kids and they were ages five and seven years old at the time. And my oldest just innocently said to me, “Oh, the earth looks ugly.” And I don’t know if you have a child, but I can guarantee you, most children say silly things at some point in time, it’s not unusual. So he said, ‘the earth looked ugly.” I’m like, Okay, I actually think it looks quite beautiful. 

There was a little boy sitting next to us. And he mentioned to me pointing at my son, “he  said, the earth looked ugly!” because my son had said it again. And I’m like, “Well, yeah, he did. He’s entitled to his opinion”, thinking nothing of it, thinking it’s not a big deal. 

Well, about two minutes later, this man comes running or should I say stomping, across the room. And he says, “Don’t you, talk to my son like that, how dare you. And I can see why your husband left you!”

I didn’t have my wedding ring on that day. And I just couldn’t believe it. I was sitting there, and there were 20 families, everybody in the room was staring at me, including my two children. 

And I just couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know what to say. And I responded with, “I’m still married.” I just couldn’t believe that I responded like such a buffoon. I was so angry, humiliated and upset. 

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How I came up with the idea for the verbal self defense web site

For two weeks, I was walking around thinking I should have said, I should have said, and then I got the idea for the website. 

And I also had another relative who says, the most horrible abominable things, and this person has been saying them to me my entire life. It’s like it’s not anything new. This person is equal opportunity and says horrible things to everyone, everybody. So it’s not like I’m special! But I’ve had to deal with this. And I needed to have better skills to deal with it.

 And so I thought that I should have said the website would not only help me, but would just help so many other people that have to deal with verbal bullies, because this is something that we all have to deal with at some point in our life.

Do comebacks and verbal self defense actually work?

People will ask me, “Do comebacks actually work?”  And I tell you, it is like having a superpower, they really work. And they just shut people down because people’s brains just aren’t wired to respond. And we have a proven system that I teach people that leaves people speechless. 

And every day, I receive emails from people thanking me and I got one this morning, it was from a girl who said that she’d been teased her entire life for being called skinny by her family, and everyone would make fun of her. She’d learned how to stand up for yourself and have more confidence, which was my goal. I just love getting these emails, knowing that I’m helping people empower themselves and stand up for themselves. 

A lot of people are shamed by verbal bullies. And what verbal bullies usually do is they will pick on somebody who they think won’t respond. So if you’re a timid kind person, you’re a perfect target for a verbal bully. 

The goal of my I should have said website is to empower people just to give them the skills to feel good to feel strong to be able to stand up for themselves, and we are not for bullies, we are there to defend ourselves against bullies. 

And I actually had a couple of friends unfriend me on Facebook, because they thought I was creating something mean to hate on people. But that’s not the truth at all. I do not support that at all. I’m only there to help people who are being picked on because I know how it feels.

 And my kids also have have experienced verbal bullying and other people have experienced it as well clearly because at one point, my website was getting a million page views a month. And there are some very popular posts. And so on the website, the posts for what to say when people call you ugly has a worse I believe 73,000 votes. So you can tell that if enough people responded to a poll, I think only 10% respond to polls. It’s a pretty big problem. And a lot of people have had to deal with that. 

So if somebody insults you, you know, you’re not the only one and you’re in aren’t alone. 

You must be in a safe situation when using comebacks and verbal self defense

The only thing with verbal self defense I really want you to know is you must make sure that you are in a safe situation, you don’t want to be out at 3 am on the street using a comeback. Always make sure you’re safe if you’re going to use them. 

And it is like a superpower. So don’t use comebacks for harm. I always say that to people. You know, people are always amazed at how well it works. Our system shuts people down really quickly. And it is a superpower and you know, I’ve used it with relatives, I’ve used it at the grocery storage people who are obnoxious. The bullies didn’t think that someone like me would respond, you know, and they just, I see the shame in their eyes after for being abusive to like an innocent person who wasn’t doing anything.

If you need some help standing up for yourself, our free guide How to Sand up for Yourself the Easy Way can help you out.

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Do you have a tip for verbal self defense that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

Do you have a problematic person in your life?

Dealing with a problematic person

We’ve all had problematic people in our life that caused us problem after problem and it’s not fun and it can be incredibly stressful.

When you look at a problematic person, look at the wake they leave behind them. Look at the aftermath, it’s like a boat with a ripple effect. 

You can look at their life and see a trail of strained relationships behind them, whether that be friendships that have turned sour, bad romances or how they have handled work situations.

How you do anything is how you do everything. If you think it is OK to treat your parent badly, then you probably think that it is OK to treat the other people in your life poorly.

Problematic people leave a wake behind them

Problematic people have a pattern of bad relationships

They may have had many issues with a lot of their key relationships. My cousin had a supervisor who joined her company a year and a half ago. Since the new boss arrived, three people who have worked with her have gone on medical leave, and the rest of her reports resigned within the last four months. The data doesn’t lie… the boss clearly has issues.

Problematic people like to blame others for their troubles, and are quick to make it known that it’s not their fault. Don’t blindly accept the blame from a friendship, a bad boss or a bullying situation with a difficult person. Most likely, you are not at fault.

Have a look at a person’s past and see if there’s a pattern. When we are dealing with a problematic person we are only responsible for our part of it and how we respond.

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

Ever feel like you just don’t know how to speak up for yourself? Our Stand Up for Yourself the Easy Way Guide will show you how to do it in just 3 simple steps. It’s a game changer–get it free for a limited time!

Ten Traits of Problematic People

  1. Problematic people are friends with someone one week and then falling out the next. They are constantly unfriending and refriending friends on Instagram.
  2. They ask you not to to speak to someone that they had a falling out with. Just because they don’t like someone doesn’t mean that you have to have an issue with the person.
  3. They cycle through their friendships quickly. It’s hard to keep up with their new best friend or boyfriend.
  4. With problematic people It’s never their fault. Someone is always to blame and they are never accountable for their actions.
  5. Problem people badmouth others behind their back even though they are nice to the person’s face.
  6. They lead smear campaigns against other people to make them look bad.
  7. They have a bad character and when things get stressful, their true personality is revealed.
  8. Problematic people tell you how you should be living your life even though they don’t have the results that you want in your life.
  9. They are dictators when you hang out with them. Problem folks have a my way or the highway approach.
  10. Everything is a big deal and they major in minor things. They get angry over the smallest thing, and you feel like you are walking on egg shells constantly.

Shutting down a problematic person

If you have someone in your life who doesn’t respect boundaries there is a pretty good chance that you are going to have to say something to get them to stop saying inappropriate things to you.

Our free guide How to Sand up for Yourself the Easy Way can help you out.

More comebacks you might like

Do you have a tip for dealing with problematic people that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

How to respond when someone tries to push your buttons

How to respond when people try to push your buttons or wind you up

I think we’ve all experienced this where someone is purposely trying to push our buttons. Then they turn around and they try and they play the innocent victim. 

The best way to respond to a situation like this is not to give the person the response that they’re looking for. 

Don’t get upset, that’s what they want. Instead, use a polite comeback that lets them know that their behaviour is not acceptable.

And once you can see how they are trying to manipulate you, and you’re prepared, they will no longer hold any power over you.

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

Ever feel like you just don’t know how to speak up for yourself? Our Stand Up for Yourself the Easy Way Guide will show you how to do it in just 3 simple steps. It’s a game changer–get it free for a limited time!

people who try to push your buttons
Photo courtesy of @understandingthenarc

I shared this screenshot about a narcissist who purposely tried to wind you up in a Facebook group and it resonated with a lot of people, and had 191 likes. 

A relative used to do this to me all the time in public. She would even have a sly smile as she gained satisfaction from publicly humiliating and hurting me.

People who push buttons are looking for a reaction from you

The term “dog-whistling” gave me a lot of clarity about the game that this person plays. From now on, I will be able to easily identify when someone has this kind of behaviour.

It is like the person is trying to poke you with a stick to see how upset they can get you. 

Don’t give them the satisfaction!

Here are some things you can say when people are trying to wind you up or push your buttons

  1. If you’re waiting for me to care it’s gonna be a while.
  2. Don’t push me to the point that I don’t care. Even I have my limits.
  3. Enough already! Do I need to duct tape your mouth today?
  4. Honestly, you remind me of a migraine.
  5. I  need to cancel my subscription to your issues. 

The best thing about it is that you can always be prepared for people who try to push your buttons, and expect it from them!

More comebacks you might like

Do you have a tip for dealing with people who push buttons that you think people should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

Why does my child get teased by the kids at school?

Why does my child get teased

Parents often ask me, “Why does my child get teased?” The truth is, all kids get teased at some point in time. I’m sure when you think back to your own childhood, you were probably teased for something, and you can remember exactly why they made fun of you.

Usually, people get teased or made fun of for something obvious, like they have a big nose or red hair or they are overweight. That is usually the first thing people will point out and make fun of. 

We all have something that we can be teased about, and how you respond will determine whether the teasing is going to stop or continue. If you get upset and overwhelmed when someone is making fun of you, then the bully will know that you’re a perfect target, who will just take their abuse.

When a kid gets visibly upset and doesn’t respond when they are picked on, the bully will double down and pick on the child even more. 

Free workshop How to Bully Proof Your Child Quickly!… Even If You have no idea where to start, your child is having a hard time and you’re losing your mind with worry. And we’re giving it to you 100% free right now for a limited time. 

JOIN THE FREE WORKSHOP TO BULLY PROOF YOUR CHILD

Get the BLUEPRINT that enables any parent to teach their child how to shut down teasing, and stop being a target for bullies in just 2 Weeks. Get started now with our FREE Bully Proofing workshop.

Teach your kids to shut down teasing quickly

The worst thing a parent can do is tell their child to just take it and not to say anything back, which can lead to the teasing escalating. You are basically putting a target on your child’s back to be picked on. 

Well meaning parents often say, “Be the bigger person and don’t say anything back.” Or they tell the child to go to the teacher to help sort things out. The problem with that advice is kids tease when the teacher isn’t around.

Parents need to give their children the skills to shut down teasing right away, and you can quickly do that with verbal self defense. Verbal self defense is a skill that can be easily taught within an hour. Many adults don’t know how to stand up for themselves because they were never taught as children, and it causes them endless frustration.

We have a process that works tremendously well and that kids can learn quickly in our bundle Verbal Self Defense for Kids Made Easy.

And the reason that it works is that  people just don’t know how to respond when you have an amazing comeback and they just move on to someone else. Think about it, nobody likes to be embarrassed, right? People’s brains are not wired to respond when they are caught off guard with a clever response. 

Who gets teased at school?

Kids who don’t respond or get upset are the first to be targeted. Would you tease someone who would respond with a funny reply or someone who will just take it? Obviously,  you aren’t going to pick on someone who says something clever back to you.

When you say something funny  back, they don’t know what to say, they’re going to start picking on someone else in their class.

Learning to shut down teasing is a life skill that kids can use to stand up for themselves for life. If you spend an hour teaching your child verbal self defense it can truly  be life changing.

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Do you know why your child gets teased at school

Turning around a bullying situation around for your child

Turn a bullying situation around

Kids are going to need your help to turn a bullying situation around.  If your child is being bullied, most likely your child will not be able to figure it out on their own. 

You may feel paralyzed because you don’t know what to do. For parents it can be overwhelming to know where to start, and it can be emotionally devastating to find out that your child is being bullied and picked on. 

But there are things that you can do to help turn a bullying situation around. 

Step 1: Does your child project anything that makes them a bully target?

The first thing to turn the bullying situation around is to help your child show up in a new way. Often children have traits or behaviours that make them an easy target. 

And it’s not that they’re doing anything wrong. It’s just that a behaviour singles them out by other kids.

And the same things goes for adults. Adults have behaviorus that others judge them by. I don’t know about you but if someone was rude to wait staff I would definitely be put off. 

It’s time to put on your deductive reasoning hat and figure out what the problem is and see if your child’s doing anything to alienate peers.

 This can be done the same way doctors look at a patient to rule out symptoms. Once you are aware what is causing the problem, you can get to work fixing it. 

Free workshop How to Bully Proof Your Child Quickly!… Even If You have no idea where to start, your child is having a hard time and you’re losing your mind with worry. And we’re giving it to you 100% free right now for a limited time. 

Free workshop to bully proof your child

Step 2: Getting the schools help with the bullying 

The other thing that you need to do to turn a bullying situation around is work with the school. 

You need to find out what has been going on and report it to your child’s teacher. You may have a situation that is escalating and you need to get the principal involved to get it to stop.

Some bullies are extremely manipulative and often teachers have no clue that kids are being bullied.  The bully waits until the teacher is not around, and then they make their move. 

At first bullies often deny that they have done anything wrong. Parents need to be prepared when they talk to the school. You will need to extract and capture what exactly has been going on. 

Watch our free training on how you can bully proof your child. 

You can get the bullying to stop.

Your child is going need your help to turn this situation around. The sooner you assist your kid with the skills and support that they need the sooner it will stop. 

Bullying is truly a journey that no parents want to go through.  We have helped many families put an end to bullying quickly with our Bully Proof Your Child Tookit

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