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When your mother plays the victim

when your mother plays the victim

When your mother plays the victim it can be incredibly frustrating to deal with because We expect our parents to act like adults and it can be surprising to see such an immature response from the person who raised us. 

It may feel like a role reversal when your mom acts like the child in the relationship and you are the parent in the situation. Mothers, like anyone else, can have their flaws and struggles.

Grace’s mother would show up at her house unannounced and expect to spend time with her, even though she was busy with a full time job and a family. Her mother  didn’t have many friends of her own, and relied on Grace for emotional support.

Finally, Grace had enough of the unexpected visits and interruptions when she was relaxing with her family or visiting with friends. She asked her mother to let her know in advance before she stopped by, which is a perfectly reasonable request.

All of a sudden, her mother started making daily cryptic posts on Facebook about how people should have more gratitude, and how much mothers do for their kids. Grace could read between the lines that the Facebook posts were about her.

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Basically, her mother was trying to manipulate the situation and control the narrative. And instead of respecting Grace’s boundaries, she was just being immature and trying to get her own way and trying to make Grace feel guilty for setting reasonable limits.

Grace was in her forties, and had seen her mother’s pattern before when she stood up for herself, tried to set limits or confronted her mother about her behavior.  Whenever her mother didn’t get her way, she would resort to playing the victim.

Why do mother’s play the victim role?

Why do mother’s play the victim role

Playing the victim is a behavior that is demonstrated by women all over the world from a variety backgrounds. Your mother may act like the victim as a way to emotionally manipulate you. If she acts like a victim, your  friends and family might offer up emotional support .

This behavior can be an attempt to control or manipulate the people around them, including their children, partners, or friends. Emotional manipulation is  a common playbook by narcissistic mothers who use it to control their children by gaslighting, triangulation in your  relationship, so they can maintain power and control,

Seven things to say when your mother plays the victim

You can say something and let your mother know that you are aware of her behavior. Be warned, it may fall on deaf ears, because she may only hear what she wants to hear.

  1. You have the power to change your life. All you have to do is decide.
  2.  Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction.
  3. Be the heroine of your own life, not the victim.
  4. If you can’t change it change your attitude about it
  5. We are only victims if we allow ourselves to be.
  6. Don’t be ashamed of your story, it will inspire others.
  7. Today you have the power to change your story.
Seven things to say when your mother plays the victim

You have a choice how to respond when your parent plays the victim card

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Better Help is a great resource when you need to talk to someone about parent’s behaivour. It may not be a topic that you feel comfortable discussing with friends or family.

You can’t control how your mother behaves but you can decide how to respond to her and  how you engage. If you know that she has a pattern of negative behavior, decide in advance what you will say and how you will respond the next time that she plays the victim role.

Set boundaries and enforce them. She won’t like it when you set limits,  and she may throw a tantrum or sulk if you don’t back down and let her get her way. Stand your ground and don’t  back down. We teach people how to treat us, and if she knows that she can wear you down and get away with it,  she will continue to do so.

More posts you might like:

Do you have any suggestions of what to say when your mother plays the victim? Leave it in the comments below.

What to say if you are called a Karen

How to respond if you are called a Karen

Being called a Karen can be hurtful and derogatory, but it’s important to remember that it’s not a reflection of your true character.

Urban dictionary describes a Karen as:

A Karen, is a pejorative term used for any 29 – 55 year old middle to upper-middle class white woman. A Karen will go out of her way to impose their belief structures on any unwitting or unsuspecting individual, once broken off from their pack and cornered a Karen will publicly berate the victim, possibly involving an authority figure if the victim is of minority descent.

How to respond if you are being called a Karen

Affluent woman are often called Karens
  1. Stay calm and composed: Responding with anger or aggression will only escalate the situation. Take a deep breath and remain calm.
  2. Ask for clarification: If you don’t understand why you’re being called a Karen, calmly ask the person to explain why they’re using that term.
  3. Express your feelings: Let the person know how their words are making you feel. Use “I” statements to express your emotions without attacking them. For example, “I feel hurt when you call me a Karen because it feels like you’re attacking my character.”
  4. Acknowledge any mistakes you may have made: If the person is calling you a Karen because of something you did, acknowledge your mistake and apologize if necessary.
  5. Redirect the conversation: If the person is being unreasonable or refuses to listen, it may be best to disengage from the conversation and move on.

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17 clever things to say if you are being called a Karen

I have chosen these things to say because you want to respond in a calm and respectful manner because you never know if you are being filmed and someone is going to share it in the news or social media. You don’t want to have your photo on the front page of the news!

  1. Do you always call people with a different point of view names?
  2. Putting someone down with name calling says more about you than me.
  3. You seem to be having a very bad day. I hope it gets better soon.
  4. 1.      Why do you feel that was necessary, and do you really expect me to answer?
  5. Do you call everyone who disagrees with you a Karen?
  6. This conversation is now over.
  7. Wow, that was hurtful.
  8. Did you mean to be unkind?
  9. I’m whatever you want me to be, dear.
  10. 5.    Did you mean to be rude? If so, you’re doing an excellent job.
  11. 6.    If I agreed with you then we’d both be wrong.
  12. I don’t expect you to agree with everything I say. All I ask is that you treat me as respectfully as I treat you.
  13. Different people have different opinions and it is OK to respect them all.
  14. Just because someone has a different opinion from you doesn’t mean you have to scream at them and tell them they’re wrong.
  15. Wow, what a performance! The Academy award goes to ….
  16. Putting someone down with a name reveals your own low self esteem.
  17. Your misguided opinion is false but cute.

Calm & polite theater goers are called Karens by obnoxious millennials

17 clever things to say if you are being called a Karen

A group of millennial theater goers showed up ten minutes late for a musical and they disrupted the show going to their seats

Once they were seated, they started using their phones in the dark theater and chatting amongst themselves. Finally, a bunch of theater goers around them told them to “shush. The noisy millennials got really angry and started yelling, “You’re just a bunch of Karen’s.”

Anyone that didn’t condone their bad behavior they criticized and called a Karen.

Eventually, these millennials had to be escorted out of the theater because of their bad behavior.

But it’s just an example of, you know, calling anyone that doesn’t agree with you, or accepts your trashy behaviour.

Nowadays any middle aged white woman can be called a Karen. If you ask to speak to the manager, people will call you Karen. Even if you have a valid complaint, you run the risk of being called entitled, demanding and rude.

More posts you might like:

Do you have any suggestions of what to say when a rude person calls you Karen in a derogatory way that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

5 Ways to help your child handle teasing at school

5 ways parents can help their child handle teasing at school

Take the first step to bully proofing your child. Download the free 4 Steps to Bully Proof Your Child Quickly Guide to help you get started.

Teasing at school can be a difficult experience for anyone, but there are some things you can do to help handle it. It is important for parents to take teasing seriously and address it early on to prevent it from becoming a bigger problem. 

Often kids will double down and tease a child even more if they don’t respond or react badly when other kids are making fun of them.  

If you suspect that your child is being teased, it’s important to talk to them and find out what’s going on. Encourage them to open up and share their feelings with you, and work together to come up with a plan to address the situation.

Teasing and bullying often occur when adults are not present, such as during recess, lunchtime, or after school. This can make it difficult for teachers and other adults to monitor, catch teasing and intervene in these situations.

When kids are teased at school for a long period of time

When kids are teased at school for a long period of time

When kids are teased for a long period of time, it can have a significant negative impact on their mental and emotional well-being. Children who are repeatedly teased may begin to feel anxious, depressed, and socially isolated. They may also experience low self-esteem, have difficulty making friends, and struggle with academic performance.

It is important for parents, teachers, and other caregivers to recognize the signs of teasing and take steps to intervene early on. 

This may involve teaching children coping strategies for dealing with teasing, providing emotional support, and working with school officials to address the problem. In some cases, professional counseling or therapy may be necessary to help children overcome the negative effects of long-term teasing.

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5 ways parents can help their child deal with teasing

5 ways parents can help their child deal with teasing
  1. Listen to your child: Let your child know that you are there to listen and support them. Take the time to hear about their experiences and validate their feelings about what has been going on with other kids.
  2. Provide a safe and supportive home environment: Make sure your child knows that home is a safe space where they are loved and accepted. Provide emotional support and show your child that they are valued and respected.
  3. Teach assertiveness: Encourage your child to stand up for themselves and speak out against teasing. Role-play situations and help your child practice assertive responses and to be prepared for the next time it happens.
  4. Communicate with the school: If the teasing is happening at school, communicate with the school to see what actions can be taken. Talk to your child’s teacher, principal, or guidance counselor about the situation and work together to develop a plan to address the issue.
  5. Encourage positive social interactions: Help your child develop positive social skills and build healthy relationships with peers. Encourage them to participate in activities that they enjoy and help them make connections with like-minded individuals.

Teach your child how to deal with teasing quickly 

Teach your child how to deal with teasing quickly

Many parents don’t know where to begin when it comes to teasing. In fact, so many parents reached out for help when their child was being picked on that we created a product to help parents teach their kids verbal self defense quickly.

If you need a step by step guide on how to help  shut down teasing and stop being made fun of, check out Verbal Self Defense for Kids Made Easy.

I received this message from a boy who used our verbal self defense techniques.

Thank you school boy for help stopping teasing

We have helped many families deal with teasing by bullyproofing their kids

Quan is a gentle boy who just wants to enjoy life and have fun. He started getting picked on  by the kids at school, which left his mother worried and anxious. His mother had told him not to say anything back, which led to more teasing and being singled out by the bully.

Quan’s mom used our bullyproofing method to shut down teasing and teach her son a bunch of other skills that would help him show up with confidence in front of his classmates. Things turned around, and got better for Quan quickly.

If you want to bully proof your child I invite you to watch our free training on how to bullyproof your child quickly.

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If your your child is continually teased or made fun of seek professional help

If your your child is continually teased or made fun of seek professional help

If your child is struggling with the emotional impact of teasing, consider seeking professional help. A mental health professional can provide support and help your child develop healthy coping strategies.

While it is unfortunately true that there will always be some children who behave in mean or hurtful ways towards others, it is important to remember that this behavior is not inevitable or acceptable. As adults, we have a responsibility to create safe and supportive environments for children and to help them develop the skills they need to treat others with kindness and respect.

Parents find it painful seeing their child being teased or picked on

Parents find it painful seeing their child being teased or picked on

As a parent, it can be difficult to see your child experience teasing at school. It may remind you of being back at school and being teased or made fun of by your classmates, and  bring up a wide range of emotions.

It is not uncommon for parents to project their own feelings and experiences onto their children, especially if they have had similar experiences in the past. However, it is important to be mindful of this tendency and to avoid letting it interfere with your parenting.

When parents project their own feelings and experiences onto their children, it can result in overprotectiveness, or a lack of empathy for the child’s unique experiences and feelings. 

To avoid projecting your own feelings and experiences onto your child, it can be helpful to take time to reflect on your own experiences and how they may be influencing your parenting. Try to separate your own experiences and emotions from those of your child, and focus on supporting your child’s individual growth and development.

Remember, as a parent, your role is to support your child through their experience by listening, validating their feelings, and working with them to find solutions, you can help your child handle teasing in a healthy way.

More posts you might like that deal with teasing

Got any comments, questions, or tips about how how to help your child deal with teasing at school? Share them in the comments below.

What to say when someone is stressed out

what to say when a friend is stressed out
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Everyone experiences stress differently, and what may cause stress for one person may not for another. Understanding the underlying causes of stress can help people better manage it.

We will all experience stress during certain seasons of our lives.  People can experience stress for a number of reasons including work or school related pressure, such as deadlines, heavy workloads, or exams.

One major stressor is financial difficulties, including debt, bills, or loss of income. With major layoffs, jobs being outsourced, financial difficulties are a reality for many people.

Another reason is Relationship problems, including conflict with friends, family, or romantic partners.

If you want to support someone in your life going through a challenging situation, one of the best ways is to offer words of support and encouragement.

The top ten things to say to a stressed out person

What you need to say when someone is experiencing stress
  1. I want you to know that I am here for you, and I’m listening.
  2. The greatest weapon against stress is choosing one thought over another.
  3. What’s going on with you,  and how can I help?
  4. Tough times never last but tough people do.
  5. Let’s take a step back and breathe together.
  6. Sometimes the most productive thing to do is to relax.
  7. What do you need at this moment to feel better?
  8. Remember that you’ve handled tough situations in the past, and you’ll get through this one too.
  9. When your body is filled with stress and anxiety it is telling you that you need to make some changes.
  10. I believe in you and your abilities.

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How to support a stressed out person

what you can say to support a stressed out person

When someone is dealing with stress, It’s important to be empathetic, listen actively, and offer support without trying to solve their problems or minimize their feelings.

The duration of stress varies from person to person and can depend on various factors such as the cause of stress, the individual’s coping mechanisms, and their support system. 

For some people, stress may be short-lived and resolved quickly, while for others it may persist for a longer period and become chronic. Chronic stress can have negative effects on a person’s physical and mental health, so it’s important to address and manage it effectively.

Jonah Hill suffered from stress and anxiety attacks

Jonah Hill has experienced extreme stress and anxiety

In 2022, Jonah Hill took a step back from promoting films due to anxiety attacks. At the the time, he was promoting a mental health documentary called Stutz about his therapist. The therapist shares many valuable tools to deal with personal challenges and stress and challenging personal situations.

Celebrities often experience stress due to their high-profile lifestyles and constant exposure to the public eye. The pressure to maintain their image and handle criticism from the media and public can be overwhelming. Additionally, the lack of privacy and constant scrutiny of their personal lives can contribute to stress and anxiety.

It’s bad enough when friends or family members criticize you. Imagine the entire world judging every move that you make and commenting on it. I think that would be enough to cause anyone to be stressed out. No wonder Jonah Hill took a break from the spotlight for a while.

A Stressful Season of Life

going through a stressful season of life.

All of us are going to go through a stressful season of life at some point in time. Nobody gets off scott free or lives a completely carefree freelife. Truthfully, what would life be like without any challenges to help us grow as a person?

You have probably heard the saying Murphy’s law where everything goes wrong all at once. Well, It can be harder when several areas of your life blow up simultaneously, if you’re going through a break up and you’ve lost your job  at the same time. Obviously it’s going to be devastating. 

Normally people cope better when it’s only one area of their life that’s going haywire. When several things are going wrong it is a good time to reach out for professional help because it can be hard to deal with everything on your own.

It can be challenging to endure a difficult period that lasts a long time. It’s important to take care of yourself and seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional if needed. Coping strategies such as mindfulness, exercise, and engaging in activities you enjoy can also help. Remember, tough times do eventually pass and it’s okay to reach out for help.

Bad times make us appreciate the good times even more

After overcoming a difficult time, it’s common to appreciate the good times even more. The contrast between the two experiences can make the positive moments seem even brighter and more precious.

More posts you might like:

When you are stressed out the world is telling you to take a break

Do you have any suggestions of What to say when someone is stressed out that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

5 Powerful phrases for dealing with difficult people

Powerful phrases for dealing with difficult people

All of us have to deal with difficult people at some point in our lives. It could be your boss, sister in law or your child. 

It’s important to stay calm and respectful when dealing with difficult people, as this can help to defuse the situation and make it more likely that you will be able to find a resolution.

Dealing with difficult people can be challenging, but there are some phrases that may be helpful in managing the situation.

5 Useful phrases when dealing with difficult people

  1. “I understand how you feel.” This shows that you are empathetic and are trying to see things from their perspective.
  2. “Can you help me understand what you need?” This statement helps to clarify their position and can also help to diffuse tension.
  3. “I’m sorry if I’ve done something to upset you.” This can help to deescalate the situation and shows that you are willing to take responsibility for your actions.
  4. “Could we try to find a compromise?” This shows that you are willing to find a solution that works for both of you.
  5. “Let’s take a break and come back to this later.” Is a great phrase if things are getting heated, it can be helpful to take a break to cool down and come back to the discussion when you are both in a more level-headed state.

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Jenny’s family were tired of her difficult ways

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Jenny’s siblings had always found her difficult to deal with. She was the kind of person who would ruin a family  event and would get upset if she didn’t get her way. One year at Christmas, she sat in the corner  and refused to watch a holiday movie, a family tradition that had been going on for years.

The difficult behavior started when Jenny  was younger, but it continued as she got older and she didn’t seem to gain the maturity of her siblings. Jenny left her family wondering why she was so disagreeable and difficult to deal with?

If you are experiencing frustration dealing with a difficult person you can take advantage of the resources and support available to you. BetterHelp, an online counseling service, can match you with a therapist and then you can text, call or video conference with.  It can be helpful to talk to someone outside of your family to get an unbiased understanding of the situation.

Why do people behave in such a difficult way?

There are many reasons why people have difficult behavior. 

Some possible explanations are:

  1. They are experiencing negative emotions: People may act difficult if they are feeling stressed, angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed. These emotions can cause them to behave in ways that are challenging or confrontational.
  2. They feel threatened: People may act difficult if they feel that their needs or interests are being threatened. They may become defensive or combative in order to protect themselves.
  3. They have communication barriers: People may act difficult if they have difficulty expressing their needs or understanding others. This could be due to language barriers, cultural differences, or other communication challenges.
  4. They have past traumas: People may act difficult if they have experienced past traumas or have unresolved emotional issues. These experiences can affect their behavior and make them more prone to reacting negatively in certain situations.
  5. They have personality traits that make them challenging: Some people may have personality traits that make them more prone to acting difficult. For example, they may be naturally confrontational or have a tendency to be controlling or dominant.

It’s important to keep in mind that people may act difficult for a variety of reasons, and it can be helpful to try to understand the underlying causes of their behavior in order to find a resolution.

More posts you might like:

5 powerful phrases for the difficult people in your life.

Do you have any powerful phrases that people can use when dealing with difficult people that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

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