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When you dread seeing your family over the holidays

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The holidays can be a hard time because we all have that person in our family tree that we wished had sprung from a different orchard. 

Maybe it’s your brother in law who has different political views, and never lets you hear the end of it. You may have a narcissist in your life who ruins all of your events.

Some folks are just difficult, and you may find it frustrating that you’re forced to spend the holidays together in a confined place. 

The best Christmas holidays I’ve had were spent on Bondi Beach with a big group of friends. Another year, when I was a flight attendant, I spent Christmas in Mumbai with the airline crew and we had a wonderful time. I had butter chicken for Christmas dinner, it was nontraditional and I loved every minute of it!

WANT TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF WITHOUT BEING A JERK?

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There are always going to be difficult people but you can learn to manage them.

The thing that’s important to remember is that it is your holiday too. COVID may be the perfect excuse to say that you can’t make it this year. 

Some folks won’t change their negative ways, but if you do have to spend time together, have a plan in place for how you will deal with the person. 

Make sure you schedule in some time for yourself over the holidays, to do the things that you like to do instead of catering to everyone else’s agenda.

What to say to someone who mutters rude things under their breath

When someone mutters under their breath you may be a little taken aback because it can be rude, passive-aggressive, and hostile behaviour. Maybe the person doesn’t like what you said, and instead of being an adult and confronting you about it, they walk away and then mutter complaints under their breath.

Often people think they get away with making snide comments under their breath without being called out for their shitty behaviour.

The person you are dealing with may not have the courage to talk to you openly about what is bothering them. When you ask them directly what they said, they reply, “nothing,” and won’t repeat what they muttered back to you.

WANT TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF WITHOUT BEING A JERK?

Ever feel like you don’t know what to say to challenging people? Grab our FREE starter guide, so you know not only what to say- but how to say it. Discover the secret of shutting down rude people.

Some people aren’t even aware that they are muttering, their behaviour is aggravating and can be enough to make you want to end a relationship.

Jeannie’s husband was always muttering under his breath, and it became so extreme that it was a deal-breaker for her. She didn’t want to have him near her friends because of his uncouth behaviour. She spoke to him directly and told him that it was a deal-breaker for her and he needed to stop doing it immediately.

Her husband continued to complain under his breath but now she called him out every time. Jeannie would say, “What was that you just said to me? I didn’t catch it?  It would be helpful if you could speak clearly to me.”

Jeannie kept calling her husband out on his bad behaviour , every time he did it she would say it sounded like he had duct tape over his mouth. Because he knew that he was going to get called out every time he muttered under his breath, he eventually stopped doing it.

Here are a few things you can say to someone who mutters under their breath.

The top ten things to say to someone who mutters under their breath

  1. Excuse me, but are you still talking? I couldn’t make out what you said.
  2. What did you say? I missed it.
  3. Did you mean to say that out loud?
  4. Pardon me, I didn’t quite catch that all.
  5. What was that? It sounds like you have duct tape on your mouth.
  6. Please stop with the passive-aggressive behaviour.
  7. Hey, if you have something to comment on, say it to my face, don’t mutter under your breath.
  8. I don’t see why that’s necessary to say. It’s not kind or constructive. All it does is make us both unhappy. How can we reach a conclusion where you stop insulting me?
  9. I’m sorry, but if you keep insulting me under your breath, I’m going to have to make it a bit of a deal. I know you don’t want that, and neither do I. Do you think you could drop it?
  10. Hey, is there a reason why you keep insulting me?

More Comebacks you might like

Got any comments, questions or tips for dealing with people who mutter under their breath? Share them in the comments below.

She was a shitty friend

She was a shitty friend

After 10 years I realized my friend was a shitty friend, and it was probably in my best interest to stop hanging out with her. I admit it,  I couldn’t see it for years and then one day everything changed.

Natalie canceled plans a lot over the years, but I always gave her the benefit of the doubt. And then it got worse, and every time we were supposed to get together for three months she would cancel. The crazy thing is she was the one setting up the get-togethers!

I was thinking this isn’t right, she is not a great friend and I just kept letting it go and making excuses for her. Then I had another friend cancel on me, and I was like why is this happening to me? Is it something I am doing, is it something about me that people don’t want to see me?

So I decided to put together a spreadsheet and it was a very interesting thing because you know you think things about people but you don’t think in terms of the big picture.

WANT TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF WITHOUT BEING A JERK?

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How to tell if a friend has bad behaviour

By creating this spreadsheet, I could see the big picture view with all of my relationships and friends. I could see patterns and it was really clarifying. I had several questions on the spreadsheet like would I be friends with this person if  I met them today and I rated each person each friend out of 10.

By looking at the big picture and at the patterns I could see that it really wasn’t me. I wasn’t the problem. Natalie was a shitty friend and I could see she had a pattern of letting people down. I realized that I wouldn’t be friends with her if I met her today.

When you evaluate relationships ask yourself if you would be friends with this person if you met them today? Would you be friends if you knew everything you know about them now?

When I looked at the big picture it was so clarifying and it led me to create a product called the Relationship Evaluator, where you can enter information about your relationships and it shows you how supportive people are towards you.

When a friend has a pattern of bad behaviour

Relationship evaluator

The Relationship Evaluator tells you how supportive someone is by looking at charts and graphs. It is very illuminating when you see who supports you and how much by comparison.

You think, oh my goodness, I am spending a lot of time on friendships and people who may not be worthy of my time and effort. I could also see who was incredibly supportive and who I wasn’t valuing enough.

I found this product so valuable, I decided to add this as a bonus for those of you who have purchased our Verbal Self Defence Bundle or for those of you purchased our two books individually.

If you have already purchased the bundle or the two books, email me and let me know the email you purchased it with and we will send you a copy.

I really want you to have it because it is such a valuable tool.

You are important and you matter… I can’t say it enough

You are important and you matter

I have been crying for three or four days. I have to say that I am probably the saddest that I have ever been in my entire life. Three days ago I found out that my son’s best friend in grade three and four committed suicide.

He was 15 and a great kid, he had a solid group of friends, he was good looking and a  talented young person who had the most loving amazing parents. They are successful middle-class people, everything in his life looked great from the outside.

I would never have thought that in a million years that he would have been at risk to commit suicide. He was quiet but he just seemed to have it all together. He was kind and funny, he had a big personality and he had the brightest future ahead of him. He was such a talented kid.

When another kid was bullying my son, C. told him to stop and kicked him in the shins. I am forever grateful that he stood up for my son. It showed such bravery and kindness, especially for a kid in grade five.

At elementary school, he was at all the birthday parties. He was on the playground every day, and he was always there. I just can’t believe he is gone. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and I  think it just can’t be true, he just can’t be gone.

Even though my son didn’t hang out with him anymore, they went to different schools, the relationship was good. We all thought that C. was a great kid.

The entire community is just gutted that he is no longer here, people have been crying for days. People are crying because

  1. He is gone forever
  2. That he ended his life
  3. For his beautiful family who is left behind
  4. That he felt sad enough that he felt he needed to end is life

People can’t believe that this amazing wonderful human being is gone. This amazing kid who was full of potential is gone.

If you are having feelings of sadness, or you are being bullied please talk to somebody. You are important and you matter. You matter to so many people, you may not be able to see it but it’s true.

You are important and you matter, I just can’t say it enough.

If you are having a tough time please tell your best friend. Please tell somebody so you can get the help you need.

C, we will never forget you. Fly high!

Bryn

You have the right to verbally defend yourself

You have the right to verbally defend yourself. If you have a friend or relative who makes snide comments towards you and puts you down, it’s not OK. You have the right to say something and to tell them to stop.

You have the right to verbally defend yourself

We’ve all had those relationships and friendships with people who don’t treat us the way we deserve to be treated, and they don’t seem to care or respect our feelings. Even when we let them know that it’s not OK they trample all over our personal boundaries time and time again.

A friend of mine found out her husband was calling her Bagheimer, a name he made up for her, behind her back in front of her children. He was calling her that name when she would ask him to do stuff around the house that a responsible adult would just normally do.

One of their kids starting calling his mom Bagheimer because he saw his dad do it he thought it was OK. When she found out about the derogatory name-calling she was so mad, she said to her husband you better stop now or pack your bags and move out. He never called her that name again. Shockingly, he would have the audacity to think that was OK to say to his wife and mother of his children.

WANT TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF WITHOUT BEING A JERK?

Ever feel like you don’t know what to say to challenging people? Grab our FREE starter guide, so you know not only what to say- but how to say it. Discover the secret of shutting down rude people.

Some of these people who treat others poorly probably are not worthy of being your friend or in your life. When you think of all the good people that you have in your life, yet somehow you end up spending hours of your energy focused on these negative Nellies, the negative 20 perfect of the people in your life. It is the 20 percent who cause most of the problems, stress, and anxiety.

Finding the right words to stand up for yourself

It can be hard to find the words to tell them to stop, we get that. You don’t know what to say and your mind goes blank, and it is emotional because someone is being unkind to you. Even worse, someone who is in your close inner circle is being unkind to you.

When you tell them to stop you always want to make sure that you are in a safe situation. The good thing about comebacks is you are not calling someone fully out on their bad behaviour but you are letting them know that your behaviour stinks. It is kind of an easier way to let them know you are on to the negative way they are behaving, without spelling it out fully.

If you grew up without a voice, in a household where your feelings were negated and people walked all over you and didn’t respect your point of view or your feeling it is challenging. It is going to be harder for you to stand up for yourself than someone who learned these skills growing up.

You can learn what to say. Standing up to someone is like a muscle you can develop, think of it like doing reps at the gym. You can get there, it is a question of knowing what to say and how to say it.

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The ideas, procedures, and suggestions contained within this work are not intended as a substitute for consulting with your counselor. All matters regarding your relationships require professional supervision. The author shall not be liable or responsible for any loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or suggestions within this blog. You, as a reader of this website, are totally and completely responsible for your own health and relationships.