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When people try to make you answer a personal question: how to respond gracefully

Responding gracefully to personal questions

Understanding Personal Questions

What is a personal question

A personal question is information that people may not know about you, for example, your opinion about a colleague, who you voted for, and whether or not you have a significant other. Some of these questions can make you feel uncomfortable and it may feel like there is an invasion of your privacy.

Some other personal questions that people are commonly asked are about salary, sexuality, relationship status, health issues, or a personal political point of view.

Why do people ask personal questions?

People ask personal questions for many different reasons. Some folks are simply curious about you and your life and want to get to know you at a much deeper level. Other folks may be trying to build trust with you or establish a personal connection. In some situations, personal questions are used as a tool to assert power or try and control the person being questioned.

Remember that not all personal questions that people ask are considered intrusive. Family and close friends want to know about your life and support you. Always consider the source when sharing information, if you have a toxic family member you are going to want to filter what you share.

It is important to remember that you have no obligation to answer any personal question that you feel is an invasion of your privacy.

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Dealing with intrusive personal questions

Personal questions can make you feel uncomfortable and make you feel like you are being interrogated. You can use diplomacy and shut down these situations gracefully. Here are a few of our best tips on shutting down personal questions.

Deciding Whether to Answer

You have the right to decide if you want to answer a personal question. If the question feels invasive or you feel uncomfortable answering you should feel comfortable saying no. There are certain details of your life that should remain private and aren’t anyone’s business.

A friend of mine attended a work lunch for staff from a large organization. In front of ten people, a colleague asked my friend if he was gay. Everyone stopped and stared, Jason felt incredibly uncomfortable at being singled out and asked a personal question in front of people he didn’t know very well.

He isn’t gay and responded accordingly. Several people at the table jumped in to support him because they could sense how awkward he felt being singled out and being asked for personal information in front of a group.

After lunch, everyone in the office was talking about the incident because asking a personal question publicly is in such bad taste.

Polite Ways to Decline to Answer

There are polite ways to shut down a conversation with a nosey person. Here are a few diplomatic things you can say:

That topic is not open for discussion.
That’s a personal matter that I am not comfortable talking about.
Thanks for asking, but I am not comfortable answering that question.
I’d rather not get into that topic right now.

Try to remain calm and composed when you decline to answer an intrusive question. You have no obligation to explain why you are not willing to answer or divulge information. With certain folks, refusing to talk about something will be more challenging than with others. You can shut down questions tactfully, and decline in a respectful manner to maintain your privacy and to set boundaries.

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Effects of personal questions

Most of the time invasive personal questions leave people feeling uncomfortable, embarrassed, or anxious.

Impact on Relationships

Once someone has interrogated you and crossed a boundary, you may feel differently about the person going forward.

If your coworker asks a personal question about your salary, there may be tension if they find out that you earn more than they do. It also puts you in an awkward position if they reveal what you have shared, and demand a raise from your boss.

Effects on self-esteem

When people are asked personal questions it can negatively affect their self-esteem. Many people have things they are sensitive about, that they don’t even want to discuss with their family.

Joanie was naked by her aunt, “Have you gained weight, you look fatter?” It left Joanie feeling ashamed and embarrassed about her weight, which has always been a sensitive topic.

We never know how people are really doing, and demanding an answer to a personal question on a sensitive topic leaves people uncomfortable and negatively affects their emotional well-being.

Case studies of handling personal questions

You will probably be asked personal questions in both your personal and your professional life. Some folks will have no trouble answering while others will become tongue-tied. We have included a couple of case studies on answering personal questions.

Case Study 1: Dealing with Salary Questions

In many cultures, it is inappropriate to discuss salaries, and in some companies, it is actually a violation of company policy. A common question in a job interview is your salary expectations, so be prepared to answer the question.

Often candidates can acknowledge the question but deflect to answer in the early stages of the interview process as a negotiation tactic. You could say, “Once we’ve determined that I am the ideal candidate, and we want to move forward, I am happy to discuss salary expectations. You have answered the question and can prepare for an in-depth answer if you are the ideal candidate.

Case Study 2: Responding to relationship status questions

Some folks don’t like to share their personal information at work and don’t want to answer are you married and do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend questions.

You could politely reply, “I prefer to keep my personal life separate from my professional life, but thank you for asking.” That may put your coworkers off and it may be easier to give a simple yes or no answer.

Case Study 3: Handling personal crisis questions

At some point in time, we all go through a personal crisis such as a divorce, an illness, or a challenging parenting situation. When you are going through a trauma, you most likely are not going to want to talk about it. If your work is negatively affected, you most likely will want to share with your supervisor or close colleagues what is going on.

You could say “I’m going through a challenging time in my personal life right now, and I’m doing my best to manage it. If I feel like my work is being affected, I’ll be the first to let you know, but otherwise, I’d prefer to keep the details private between us.”

The best way to handle the situation is to be a hostess and direct but still maintain your privacy. Your supervisor doesn’t need to know the juicy details of what you are going through.

At the end of the day, dealing with personal questions can be challenging, but remember you are important and you have a right to privacy. You can answer questions without violating personal boundaries while being polite and diplomatic.

The role of counselling and self-care

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When you are dealing with someone who constantly tries to play the victim and you find it stressful, consider getting support from a professional. Talking to a counsellor is a great way to work through a challenging situation, and help you find some strategies to work through the person’s behaviour.

Better Help is a great resource where you can talk to a counselor from the comfort of your own home.

Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish, and you will feel better in the long run.

Do you have any tips on what to do when people try to make you answer a personal question that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

My Husband Always Says Mean Things to Me: Understanding Verbal Abuse in Relationships

Understanding Hurtful Words in Marriage

When your husband says hurtful things it can be difficult to deal with, and it can shake your confidence and make you start to doubt yourself. Continuous negative comments start to slowly chip away at your self esteem.

Try to remember that your husband’s hurtful comments are reflecting his emotional state and not your personal worth.

Put downs and mean comments are going to negatively affect the quality of your marriage. When your husband says hurtful things, it can be a sign of trouble in your marriage and unresolved conflicts.

You will want to address some of these marital issues, so you can prevent unkind words becoming a permanent pattern in a relationship. You will need to let your husband know in a respectful manner that it is not OK to say mean things towards you.

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Why do people say unkind things to others?

why does my husband say unkind things to his wife

When you would never make a derogatory comment towards another person, especially one that you love, it can be challenging to understand why someone might behave that way towards you. There are multiple reasons why someone may put you down or make rude comments.

Past Experiences

Some folks grew up in a home where it was acceptable to make hurtful comments, and they watched their parents do it on a daily basis. Your partner may be playing out an unconscious pattern that he witnessed growing up within his family.

Friends noticed the way Jackson made snippy comments towards his wife and found it incredibly disrespectful and in bad taste. They could see the way that Jackson’s father treated his mother playing out all over again.

Jackson’s first wife had enough and left him, and yet he continued the pattern as he dated new women over and over again. He was unaware of the part he played in the end of his marriage.

Anger and Frustration

When people are fed up, frustrated or in a bad mood they may take it out on others around them, and say things that they don’t mean. Things can get worse if you are going through a stressful season of life and emotions are heightened.

Insecurities

If you have an insecure partner, they may be jealous of the attention or accolades that you receive. Often insecure people say mean things to build themselves up, and feel superior to those around them.

Ego

Some folks will make insulting digs because of their large inflated ego. There are people who feel the need to have the last word during an argument, or the need to always be right, regardless of if what they are saying hurts your feelings. They put their ego above the relationship.

Fear

Fear is another reason that people say unkind things to their partner. If your husband is fearful of losing you, they may try to control the situation by putting you down and squashing your self esteem so you don’t leave for someone else.

There is no excuse for hurtful behaviour towards a spouse. You will want to talk to your partner about their behavior and ask why they feel the need to put you down.

It is always important to make sure that you are in a safe situation when bringing these issues up with your partner.

The long term Impact of negative communication

impact of a husband saying negative things affects the family

We can’t forget that our behaviour also affects all of our family members, and sets a tone for the entire family. You and your family probably feel like sitting in a different room to escape the negative toxic energy.

Toxic communication can have a long term negative effect on your relationship with your spouse and family. When someone is continually insulting you, it can be difficult to feel positive or loving towards your spouse. Obviously you’re not going to show up in a warm and loving manner when you are dealing with a negative and critical spouse.

Talk to your spouse about breaking the negative cycle, and trying to focus on positive things about each other. Pick one nice thing to say to each other during the day.

Identifying Abusive Behavior

Sometimes we can’t recognize when our partner is being emotionally abusive towards us. There are certain signs to look out for, and it is important to take care and protect your own well being.

Here are some common signs of abusive behavior to watch out for:

Disrespectful towards you: If your husband puts you down, publicly humiliates and insults you it is emotional abuse.
Manipulative behaviour: Abusive partners may try in guit trip you for your actions, or isuite that you are resobinsipble for their bad behaviour and verbal abuse.
Gaslighting: occurs when a person purposely starts to make you doubt your own perception of reality or events.. They will say something didn’t happen, and insinuate that you are the crazy one making things up.

It is important to remember that emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. If you are experiencing any of these behaviors in your relationship, it is important to seek help and support. You do not have to suffer in silence.

Counseling and self care when a husband says mean things

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The Role of Counseling and Self-Care

When your husband says mean things to you, consider getting support from a professional. Talking to a counselor is a great way to work through a challenging situation with a spouse, and help you find some strategies to work through your husband’s hurtful behaviour.

Better Help is a great resource where you can talk to a counselor from the comfort of your own home.

Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish, and it can improve your marriage in the long run.

Working Together

Finally, maintaining a healthy relationship requires working together as a couple. Both parties need to be willing to work together and put in the effort to improve the relationship. This means being supportive of each other, working through problems together, and making time for each other.

By following these tips, you can maintain a healthy relationship with your partner and build a strong, happy marriage.

Do you have a tip for what to do when your husband says mean things that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

17 smart replies to rude comments

We have all met that person who makes a rude comment at a family dinner, or a party where you are taken back by the insult and the attitude. You stand there and you are racking your brain for a smart reply. Instead, you may really feel like hitting the person over the head with a rolling pin, but it is not the best option.

Remember, the way you respond to another person reflects your own personal values and character. By responding calmly in a self assured way, you are able to maintain your dignity while also setting a positive example for others.

We often wonder why people act the way that they do, especially if we have been kind and they have responded with rude or inappropriate behavior. There can be various reasons why people make rude comments to others, often it has to do with their own issues.

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Smart ways to respond to rude comments when you’re out

Here are some possible explanations why people make rude comments

Insecurity: Some individuals may feel insecure about themselves or their own abilities, leading them to put others down in order to feel better about themselves.
Jealousy: When people feel envious or jealous of someone else’s achievements, appearance, or possessions, they may resort to making rude comments as a way to diminish the other person’s value or success.
Lack of empathy: Some people may struggle with understanding or considering the feelings of others. They may make rude comments without realizing or caring about the impact it has on the recipient.
Seeking attention or reaction: Certain individuals make rude comments to elicit a response or attention from others. They may enjoy provoking a reaction, whether it’s anger, frustration, or sadness, as it gives them a sense of control or satisfaction.
Power dynamics: In some cases, individuals may use rude comments to assert power or dominance over others. They may believe that putting someone down will elevate their own status or maintain control over a particular situation.
Lack of social skills: Some people may have difficulty expressing themselves appropriately or may not be aware of the impact of their words. They may make rude comments unintentionally or without understanding the social norms surrounding communication.
Learned behavior: People’s environment and upbringing play a significant role in shaping their behavior. If someone grows up in an environment where rude comments are common or acceptable, they may adopt similar behavior patterns.

It’s important to note that these are general explanations, and individuals may have their own unique reasons for making rude comments. Understanding the underlying motivations can help promote empathy, address the root causes, and encourage more positive and respectful interactions.

17 smart replies to rude comments

Remember, the goal is to maintain your dignity and promote a positive atmosphere. Choose a response that aligns with your personal values and objectives for the conversation.

That was an unusual thing to say, you sure are one of a kind.
Huh? I guess we are supposed to laugh? But at which part?
Do you really expect me to answer that?
Your attempt at social interaction is hereby acknowledged.
My psychiatrist told me not to tell.
How is that supposed to make me feel?
Thank you for your input, but I prefer to focus on positivity and encouragement.
Well, aren’t you a burst of sunshine! I hope your day gets better.”
I’m sorry if my success makes you uncomfortable. Is there something specific you’d like to discuss or contribute?”
I personally value respectful communication, so let’s try to keep the conversation constructive.
“I understand we may have different perspectives, but let’s focus on finding common ground instead of resorting to negativity.”
I appreciate your opinion, but I believe there might be some misconceptions. Would you like me to share more information on the topic?”
I am trying to appreciate your very unique point of view.
How is that supposed to make me feel?
Maybe that’s your option but it isn’t helpful.
I see things differently.
Making rude comments about the people in this room is mean-spirited. Please stop.

Jenny had a smart reply when she was insulted with a rude comment by a customer

Jenny worked at a restaurant and she was being aggressively insulted by a customer about the food. She didn’t cook the food, all she did was deliver it and place it down on the table. It was as if he was insulting the food as a way to get her attention. It didn’t work, she replied, “ Well, aren’t you a burst of sunshine! I hope your day gets better.”

Don’t let other rude people down. Keep on being kind to everyone, but it is OK to use a few smart replies to rude comments now and again.

When your mother plays the victim

When your mother plays the victim it can be incredibly frustrating to deal with because we expect our parents to act like adults, and it can be surprising to see such an immature response from the person who raised us.

It may feel like a role reversal when your mom acts like the child in the relationship and you are the parent in the situation. Mothers, like anyone else, can have their flaws and struggles.

Grace’s mother would show up at her house unannounced and expect to spend time with her, even though she was busy with a full time job and a family. Her mother didn’t have many friends of her own, and relied on Grace for emotional support.

Finally, Grace had enough of the unexpected visits and interruptions when she was relaxing with her family or visiting with friends. She asked her mother to let her know in advance before she stopped by, which is a perfectly reasonable request.

All of a sudden, her mother started making daily cryptic posts on Facebook about how people should have more gratitude, and how much mothers do for their kids. Grace could read between the lines that the Facebook posts were about her.

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Basically, her mother was trying to manipulate the situation and control the narrative. And instead of respecting Grace’s boundaries, she was just being immature and trying to get her own way and trying to make Grace feel guilty for setting reasonable limits.

Grace was in her forties, and had seen her mother’s pattern before when she stood up for herself, tried to set limits or confronted her mother about her behavior. Whenever her mother didn’t get her way, she would resort to playing the victim.

Why do mother’s play the victim role?

Playing the victim is a behavior that is demonstrated by women all over the world from a variety backgrounds. Your mother may act like the victim as a way to emotionally manipulate you. If she acts like a victim, your friends and family might offer up emotional support .

This behavior can be an attempt to control or manipulate the people around them, including their children, partners, or friends. Emotional manipulation is a common playbook by narcissistic mothers who use it to control their children by gaslighting, triangulation in your relationship, so they can maintain power and control.

Seven things to say when your mother plays the victim

You can say something and let your mother know that you are aware of her behavior. Be warned, it may fall on deaf ears, because she may only hear what she wants to hear.

You have the power to change your life. All you have to do is decide.
Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction.
Be the heroine of your own life, not the victim.
If you can’t change it change your attitude about it
We are only victims if we allow ourselves to be.
Don’t be ashamed of your story, it will inspire others.
Today you have the power to change your story.

You have a choice how to respond when your parent plays the victim card

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Better Help is a great resource when you need to talk to someone about parent’s behaivour. It may not be a topic that you feel comfortable discussing with friends or family.

You can’t control how your mother behaves but you can decide how to respond to her and how you engage. If you know that she has a pattern of negative behavior, decide in advance what you will say and how you will respond the next time that she plays the victim role.

Set boundaries and enforce them. She won’t like it when you set limits, and she may throw a tantrum or sulk if you don’t back down and let her get her way. Stand your ground and don’t back down. We teach people how to treat us, and if she knows that she can wear you down and get away with it, she will continue to do so.

Do you have any suggestions of what to say when your mother plays the victim? Leave it in the comments below.

What to say if you are called a Karen

How to respond if you are called a Karen

Being called a Karen can be hurtful and derogatory, but it’s important to remember that it’s not a reflection of your true character.

Urban dictionary describes a Karen as:

A Karen, is a pejorative term used for any 29 – 55 year old middle to upper-middle class white woman. A Karen will go out of her way to impose their belief structures on any unwitting or unsuspecting individual, once broken off from their pack and cornered a Karen will publicly berate the victim, possibly involving an authority figure if the victim is of minority descent.

How to respond if you are being called a Karen

Stay calm and composed: Responding with anger or aggression will only escalate the situation. Take a deep breath and remain calm.
Ask for clarification: If you don’t understand why you’re being called a Karen, calmly ask the person to explain why they’re using that term.
Express your feelings: Let the person know how their words are making you feel. Use “I” statements to express your emotions without attacking them. For example, “I feel hurt when you call me a Karen because it feels like you’re attacking my character.”
Acknowledge any mistakes you may have made: If the person is calling you a Karen because of something you did, acknowledge your mistake and apologize if necessary.
Redirect the conversation: If the person is being unreasonable or refuses to listen, it may be best to disengage from the conversation and move on.

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

Our FREE Starter Guide will show you the 3 simple steps you can take right now to stand up for yourself so that you can feel confident. It’s a game changer–get it free for a limited time!

17 clever things to say if you are being called a Karen

I have chosen these things to say because you want to respond in a calm and respectful manner because you never know if you are being filmed and someone is going to share it in the news or social media. You don’t want to have your photo on the front page of the news!

Do you always call people with a different point of view names?
Putting someone down with name calling says more about you than me.
You seem to be having a very bad day. I hope it gets better soon.
Why do you feel that was necessary, and do you really expect me to answer?
Do you call everyone who disagrees with you a Karen?
This conversation is now over.
Wow, that was hurtful.
Did you mean to be unkind?
I’m whatever you want me to be, dear.
Did you mean to be rude? If so, you’re doing an excellent job.
If I agreed with you then we’d both be wrong.
I don’t expect you to agree with everything I say. All I ask is that you treat me as respectfully as I treat you.
Different people have different opinions and it is OK to respect them all.
Just because someone has a different opinion from you doesn’t mean you have to scream at them and tell them they’re wrong.
Wow, what a performance! The Academy award goes to ….
Putting someone down with a name reveals your own low self esteem.
Your misguided opinion is false but cute.

Calm & polite theater goers are called Karens by obnoxious millennials

17 clever things to say if you are being called a Karen

A group of millennial theater goers showed up ten minutes late for a musical and they disrupted the show going to their seats

Once they were seated, they started using their phones in the dark theater and chatting amongst themselves. Finally, a bunch of theater goers around them told them to “shush. The noisy millennials got really angry and started yelling, “You’re just a bunch of Karen’s.”

Anyone that didn’t condone their bad behavior they criticized and called a Karen.

Eventually, these millennials had to be escorted out of the theater because of their bad behavior.

But it’s just an example of, you know, calling anyone that doesn’t agree with you, or accepts your trashy behaviour.

Nowadays any middle aged white woman can be called a Karen. If you ask to speak to the manager, people will call you Karen. Even if you have a valid complaint, you run the risk of being called entitled, demanding and rude.

When people try to make you answer a personal question: how to respond gracefully

Understanding Personal Questions

What is a personal question

Why do people ask personal questions?

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

Dealing with intrusive personal questions

Deciding Whether to Answer

Polite Ways to Decline to Answer

Effects of personal questions

Impact on Relationships

Effects on self-esteem

Case studies of handling personal questions

Case Study 1: Dealing with Salary Questions

Case Study 2: Responding to relationship status questions

Case Study 3: Handling personal crisis questions

The role of counselling and self-care

Do you have any tips on what to do when people try to make you answer a personal question that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

My Husband Always Says Mean Things to Me: Understanding Verbal Abuse in Relationships

Understanding Hurtful Words in Marriage

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

Why do people say unkind things to others?

Past Experiences

Anger and Frustration

Insecurities

Fear

The long term Impact of negative communication

Identifying Abusive Behavior

The Role of Counseling and Self-Care

Working Together

Do you have a tip for what to do when your husband says mean things that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

17 smart replies to rude comments

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

17 smart replies to rude comments

Jenny had a smart reply when she was insulted with a rude comment by a customer

More posts you might like:

Do you have any ideas for smart replies in response to rude comments? Leave it in the comments below.

When your mother plays the victim

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

Why do mother’s play the victim role?

Seven things to say when your mother plays the victim

More posts you might like:

You have a choice how to respond when your parent plays the victim card

Do you have any suggestions of what to say when your mother plays the victim? Leave it in the comments below.

What to say if you are called a Karen

How to respond if you are being called a Karen

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

17 clever things to say if you are being called a Karen

Calm & polite theater goers are called Karens by obnoxious millennials

More posts you might like:

Do you have any suggestions of what to say when a rude person calls you Karen in a derogatory way that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

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