Stop getting verbally bullied

Why I started teaching verbal self defense

How I started teaching verbal self defense

One of the things that people always ask me is how did you end up teaching verbal self defense. And it is kind of an unusual story. 

I was at the planetarium with my two kids and they were ages five and seven years old at the time. And my oldest just innocently said to me, “Oh, the earth looks ugly.” And I don’t know if you have a child, but I can guarantee you, most children say silly things at some point in time, it’s not unusual. So he said, ‘the earth looked ugly.” I’m like, Okay, I actually think it looks quite beautiful. 

There was a little boy sitting next to us. And he mentioned to me pointing at my son, “he  said, the earth looked ugly!” because my son had said it again. And I’m like, “Well, yeah, he did. He’s entitled to his opinion”, thinking nothing of it, thinking it’s not a big deal. 

Well, about two minutes later, this man comes running or should I say stomping, across the room. And he says, “Don’t you, talk to my son like that, how dare you. And I can see why your husband left you!”

I didn’t have my wedding ring on that day. And I just couldn’t believe it. I was sitting there, and there were 20 families, everybody in the room was staring at me, including my two children. 

And I just couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know what to say. And I responded with, “I’m still married.” I just couldn’t believe that I responded like such a buffoon. I was so angry, humiliated and upset. 

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How I came up with the idea for the verbal self defense web site

For two weeks, I was walking around thinking I should have said, I should have said, and then I got the idea for the website. 

And I also had another relative who says, the most horrible abominable things, and this person has been saying them to me my entire life. It’s like it’s not anything new. This person is equal opportunity and says horrible things to everyone, everybody. So it’s not like I’m special! But I’ve had to deal with this. And I needed to have better skills to deal with it.

 And so I thought that I should have said the website would not only help me, but would just help so many other people that have to deal with verbal bullies, because this is something that we all have to deal with at some point in our life.

Do comebacks and verbal self defense actually work?

People will ask me, “Do comebacks actually work?”  And I tell you, it is like having a superpower, they really work. And they just shut people down because people’s brains just aren’t wired to respond. And we have a proven system that I teach people that leaves people speechless. 

And every day, I receive emails from people thanking me and I got one this morning, it was from a girl who said that she’d been teased her entire life for being called skinny by her family, and everyone would make fun of her. She’d learned how to stand up for yourself and have more confidence, which was my goal. I just love getting these emails, knowing that I’m helping people empower themselves and stand up for themselves. 

A lot of people are shamed by verbal bullies. And what verbal bullies usually do is they will pick on somebody who they think won’t respond. So if you’re a timid kind person, you’re a perfect target for a verbal bully. 

The goal of my I should have said website is to empower people just to give them the skills to feel good to feel strong to be able to stand up for themselves, and we are not for bullies, we are there to defend ourselves against bullies. 

And I actually had a couple of friends unfriend me on Facebook, because they thought I was creating something mean to hate on people. But that’s not the truth at all. I do not support that at all. I’m only there to help people who are being picked on because I know how it feels.

 And my kids also have have experienced verbal bullying and other people have experienced it as well clearly because at one point, my website was getting a million page views a month. And there are some very popular posts. And so on the website, the posts for what to say when people call you ugly has a worse I believe 73,000 votes. So you can tell that if enough people responded to a poll, I think only 10% respond to polls. It’s a pretty big problem. And a lot of people have had to deal with that. 

So if somebody insults you, you know, you’re not the only one and you’re in aren’t alone. 

You must be in a safe situation when using comebacks and verbal self defense

The only thing with verbal self defense I really want you to know is you must make sure that you are in a safe situation, you don’t want to be out at 3 am on the street using a comeback. Always make sure you’re safe if you’re going to use them. 

And it is like a superpower. So don’t use comebacks for harm. I always say that to people. You know, people are always amazed at how well it works. Our system shuts people down really quickly. And it is a superpower and you know, I’ve used it with relatives, I’ve used it at the grocery storage people who are obnoxious. The bullies didn’t think that someone like me would respond, you know, and they just, I see the shame in their eyes after for being abusive to like an innocent person who wasn’t doing anything.

If you need some help standing up for yourself, our free guide How to Sand up for Yourself the Easy Way can help you out.

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Do you have a tip for verbal self defense that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

How to respond when someone tries to push your buttons

How to respond when people try to push your buttons or wind you up

I think we’ve all experienced this where someone is purposely trying to push our buttons. Then they turn around and they try and they play the innocent victim. 

The best way to respond to a situation like this is not to give the person the response that they’re looking for. 

Don’t get upset, that’s what they want. Instead, use a polite comeback that lets them know that their behaviour is not acceptable.

And once you can see how they are trying to manipulate you, and you’re prepared, they will no longer hold any power over you.

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

Ever feel like you just don’t know how to speak up for yourself? Our Stand Up for Yourself the Easy Way Guide will show you how to do it in just 3 simple steps. It’s a game changer–get it free for a limited time!

people who try to push your buttons
Photo courtesy of @understandingthenarc

I shared this screenshot about a narcissist who purposely tried to wind you up in a Facebook group and it resonated with a lot of people, and had 191 likes. 

A relative used to do this to me all the time in public. She would even have a sly smile as she gained satisfaction from publicly humiliating and hurting me.

People who push buttons are looking for a reaction from you

The term “dog-whistling” gave me a lot of clarity about the game that this person plays. From now on, I will be able to easily identify when someone has this kind of behaviour.

It is like the person is trying to poke you with a stick to see how upset they can get you. 

Don’t give them the satisfaction!

Here are some things you can say when people are trying to wind you up or push your buttons

  1. If you’re waiting for me to care it’s gonna be a while.
  2. Don’t push me to the point that I don’t care. Even I have my limits.
  3. Enough already! Do I need to duct tape your mouth today?
  4. Honestly, you remind me of a migraine.
  5. I  need to cancel my subscription to your issues. 

The best thing about it is that you can always be prepared for people who try to push your buttons, and expect it from them!

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Do you have a tip for dealing with people who push buttons that you think people should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

How to respond to I was just kidding

How to respond to I was only kidding

We’ve all experienced someone saying “Just kidding”, after a mean comment. 

It could be a friend, a family member, somebody at work, and you know they don’t have your best interests at heart. 

You get that funny feeling in your stomach because you know the person meant it in an unkind way. 

And when you look at them in shock after the cruel remark they say, “just kidding!” It’s a passive-aggressive tactic being used so that you can’t call them out on it.

Rude insults leave people feeling terrible. Being insulted with digs, and niggly comments and being unable to defend yourself is frustrating. Often the trouble maker will do it in public in front of others.

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

Ever feel like you just don’t know how to speak up for yourself? Our Stand Up for Yourself the Easy Way Guide will show you how to do it in just 3 simple steps. It’s a game changer–get it free for a limited time!

Urban Dictionary defines just kidding as, “Used by someone as a way to soften a direct insult by saying it was just a joke, although the person doing the insulting still means the insult after the Just kidding!” 

When you call the person out for their nasty behaviour they may try and reprimand you and say that “you are too sensitive.”

I’m going to give you something that you can say in front of others so that you can call attention to the person’s rude remark and they will be less likely to insult you again any time soon.

What to say to just joking or I was kidding after a mean remark

If that’s your sense of humour you should prepare to get cancelled pretty soon.
Wow, did you mean to be so rude?
That is is not at all funny, that’s just rude.
Wow, that is a reallly unkind thing to say!

In our, Verbal Self Defense Made Easy bundle, we have a cheat sheet, with a huge list of things that you can say to friends and family who make snide comments.

And if you know that someone has a habit of doing this, be prepared. 

These little digs and nasty comments chip away at your soul, and it’s even worse when it’s from a supposed good friend or family member. 

When you have someone doing this to you publicly, others may think it is fair game to gang up on you, join in or make derogatory remarks. It’s best to nip it in the bud and get the person to stop right away.

If you have kids they are modeling you as to what they consider to be acceptable behaviour. It is not okay for your children to see you being repeatedly put down.

You deserve better. 

I’m here to tell you that and you have the right to say something back and tell the person to stop.

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Do you have a tip for dealing with people who say, “just kidding” that you think people should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

When everyone has an opinion about your life

When everyone has an opinion about your life

One of our readers reached out and shared a story of what she is going through.

Lola is going through a difficult divorce, and she was finding it very hard because everybody has an opinion about her marriage, her extended family was making comments that they liked her Ex. They kept telling her that he was such a great guy, and they were having no regard for her feelings. After all, she was divorcing him for a reason!

People think they know everything about your situation, but in reality, they only know part of the story or a sliver of what’s really going on. Yet they feel free to voice their opinion or judge you over something which they know nothing about.

In a relationship, there are always two sides to a story. Lola’s cousins, who she saw a couple of times a year, didn’t know that her husband had another side, they didn’t know that he had been having an affair for two years. Lola was the one who had to live through it and suffered, and yet her family was telling her how she should live her life.

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

Ever feel like you just don’t know how to speak up for yourself? Our Stand Up for Yourself the Easy Way Guide will show you how to do it in just 3 simple steps. It’s a game changer–get it free for a limited time!

People think they have a right to tell everybody how to live their life. But luckily, Lola had gotten our bundle because she replied with the most awesome comeback and her relatives just stood there and stopped talking. She responded politely so they couldn’t call her out for being rude.

The comeback she used was from one of our cheat sheets in the Verbal Self Defense bundle. And it just shut her cousin up. Lola said it was priceless seeing the look on her cousin’s face!

You can stand up to people and you can do it in a nice way that lets people know that certain topics are not open for discussion, EVER.

A lot of times when it comes to family you can let stuff go, it isn’t worth arguing about but when you feel someone has crossed the line you should say something, even if it is family.

if you have a difficult friend or family member, the Verbal Self Defense Made Easy Bundle will help you find something to say. You can find it in our store.

Sometimes we need to leave people behind

Sometimes we need to break up with friends

Sometimes you just need to leave people behind in life. Not everybody is going to come with you on your journey. That may be painful, but it is the cold hard truth.

My nephew was friends with a woman I will call Jasmine for a while, she wasn’t who she initially portrayed herself to be. Jasmine had so many good qualities, in fact she was lovely, so it would have been unimaginable that the friendship would fall to pieces.

Jasmine was complaining about her girlfriend and Carson just listened and empathized and tried to show support and said, “Yeah, that’s tough, I can understand why you would be upset in that situation.”

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

Ever feel like you just don’t know how to speak up for yourself? Our Stand Up for Yourself the Easy Way Guide will show you how to do it in just 3 simple steps. It’s a game changer–get it free for a limited time!

Carson knew the girl that she was complaining about, but he wasn’t invested in the relationship. He liked Jasmine’s friend but he didn’t have an opinion about her either way.

He was busy with his own life trying to work and graduate from university.

Carson wasn’t interested in getting involved in any drama. He was just trying to support his friend when she needed to vent, an ear to listen to, as we all do at times.

Carson was astounded when Jasmine turned the situation around, and said that he had actually said a bunch of horrible things that he had never said.

He didn’t want drama in his life so he didn’t follow up with Jasmine who was transforming into a drama tornado. She said bad things about Carson and tried to turn mutual friends against him. She even reached out to his friends she didn’t know on his Instagram feed. Yep, that’s toxic and weird.

During a stressful time when he was preparing for a final exam she started playing even more mind games.

And this girl that he thought was so nice, wasn’t nice at all.

Maybe Jasmine will change, but at this point, she’s just totally wasting Carson’s life energy.

You have to ask yourself if someone is constantly causing drama do you really want the person in your inner circle or as a close friend? Probably not, sometimes you just have to draw a line in the sand and leave people behind.

Elon Musk or any other thought leader must have encountered people like this throughout their life. But you have to make a conscious choice and decide if you’re going to partake or just walk away. 

People who are drama tornados will suck up your mind share and your life energy.

You can have great friends in your life who don’t cause infinite drama. 

Sometimes you just need to distance yourself or leave people behind because they’re not going to become part of your long term journey, and it’s for the better because they’re just not worth it.

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