After 10 years I realized my friend was a shitty friend, and it was probably in my best interest to stop hanging out with her. I admit it, I couldn’t see it for years and then one day everything changed.
Natalie canceled plans a lot over the years, but I always gave her the benefit of the doubt. And then it got worse, and every time we were supposed to get together for three months she would cancel. The crazy thing is she was the one setting up the get-togethers!
I was thinking this isn’t right, she is not a great friend and I just kept letting it go and making excuses for her. Then I had another friend cancel on me, and I was like why is this happening to me? Is it something I am doing, is it something about me that people don’t want to see me?
So I decided to put together a spreadsheet and it was a very interesting thing because you know you think things about people but you don’t think in terms of the big picture.
How to tell if a friend has bad behaviour
By creating this spreadsheet, I could see the big picture view with all of my relationships and friends. I could see patterns and it was really clarifying. I had several questions on the spreadsheet like would I be friends with this person if I met them today and I rated each person each friend out of 10.
By looking at the big picture and at the patterns I could see that it really wasn’t me. I wasn’t the problem. Natalie was a shitty friend and I could see she had a pattern of letting people down. I realized that I wouldn’t be friends with her if I met her today.
When you evaluate relationships ask yourself if you would be friends with this person if you met them today? Would you be friends if you knew everything you know about them now?
When I looked at the big picture it was so clarifying and it led me to create a product called the Relationship Evaluator, where you can enter information about your relationships and it shows you how supportive people are towards you.
When a friend has a pattern of bad behaviour
The Relationship Evaluator tells you how supportive someone is by looking at charts and graphs. It is very illuminating when you see who supports you and how much by comparison.
You think, oh my goodness, I am spending a lot of time on friendships and people who may not be worthy of my time and effort. I could also see who was incredibly supportive and who I wasn’t valuing enough.
I found this product so valuable, I decided to add this as a bonus for those of you who have purchased our Verbal Self Defence Bundle or for those of you purchased our two books individually.
If you have already purchased the bundle or the two books, email me and let me know the email you purchased it with and we will send you a copy.
I really want you to have it because it is such a valuable tool.