If you have a relative that you find extremely difficult and disagreeable it just makes your life challenging because you are stuck with a person you find exasperating to be around on life’s most important occasions. You are forced to spend time together on family holidays, birthday celebrations and other family events.
You may feel stuck with this relative that you don’t like or have anything in common with and it feels like you are forced on this life journey together. You wouldn’t choose to know this person if you had a say in the matter, and there is no easy way to get out of the situation. It can leave you feeling stuck and frustrated.
I have a family member who never respects boundaries and this is an issue we’ve had for years. I have even stopped talking to this individual three times for over a year. Many times I have felt like this person is a thorn in my ass, and I often look forward to the day that I never have to deal with them again.
I am tired of the constant drama, badmouthing of others and constant betrayal. This person has tried to turn my friends against me, get attention from my boyfriends and use me to get attention for themselves by embarrassing me.
Truthfully, I don’t love this person, I just tolerate them and I have done so for years. This is not the kind of thing that you can really say out loud, it’s the kind of thing you think in your darkest thoughts when you are alone.
It’s hard to deal with difficult relatives who don’t respect boundaries
This is a person who doesn’t respect boundaries with anyone in their life, they have had continual warnings but they never get the lesson and they never learn. Interestingly enough, this person has a lot of casual friends, but no intimate relationships with people who will call them out on their BS. Now, this relative is driving my son crazy for the same reasons that they have driven me bonkers for years!
When I was younger I thought that severing the relationship was the answer. As I get older, I don’t think cutting off the relationship is the right solution. I have children now, I am a role model so it is important that I get this right.
I want to show up in the world a certain way, with kindness and respect towards others. I want to speak my truth, and let people know directly and nicely when they have stepped over the line. Now, I am doing this more for me and my self respect than for hers.
My family member has caused so much drama over the years that I created a special cheat sheet for myself with over 80 polite things to say to family to let them know nicely that they need to back off. I also created over 10 scripts, so whenever she has bad behaviour I am armed and I am ready to stand my ground in a civilized way.
So, I am going to practice what I preach, and go back to the process I developed for shutting down bullies, even ones in your own family. I can prepare and be armed and know what to do when they pull their shit on me again. And I know she will, it is just a question of time.
It’s time to let her know again, that their behaviour is not OK and not acceptable in a nice way. I am going to have a difficult conversation about the pattern of her interfering in my life.
I let my guard down for a minute, and this person is sharing personal information and talking badly about me to other relatives. With certain people, you give them an inch and they take 25 miles.
I will use my Snappy Comebacks for All Situations workbook to write out what’s been going on and figure out my plan of action. Things are going to be OK.
Whenever there is something difficult or bad happens in our life there is also a silver lining. For me, I’ve had to put up with snipes and digs from this person for years, because of the constant put downs and I came up with hundreds of things you can say to family and friends.
She is one of the main reasons I created the I Should Have Said web site and I have ended up helping hundreds of thousands of people deal with bullies. So I guess there is a silver lining after all.
I know you probably are dealing with a difficult person too. Don’t get discouraged, there are ways to let the person know they need to smarten up without ruining the relationship or your sanity.
Don’t let your crazy people in your life grind you down.