You have the right to verbally defend yourself

You have the right to verbally defend yourself. If you have a friend or relative who makes snide comments towards you and puts you down, it’s not OK. You have the right to say something and to tell them to stop.

You have the right to verbally defend yourself

We’ve all had those relationships and friendships with people who don’t treat us the way we deserve to be treated, and they don’t seem to care or respect our feelings. Even when we let them know that it’s not OK they trample all over our personal boundaries time and time again.

A friend of mine found out her husband was calling her Bagheimer, a name he made up for her, behind her back in front of her children. He was calling her that name when she would ask him to do stuff around the house that a responsible adult would just normally do.

One of their kids starting calling his mom Bagheimer because he saw his dad do it he thought it was OK. When she found out about the derogatory name-calling she was so mad, she said to her husband you better stop now or pack your bags and move out. He never called her that name again. Shockingly, he would have the audacity to think that was OK to say to his wife and mother of his children.


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Some of these people who treat others poorly probably are not worthy of being your friend or in your life. When you think of all the good people that you have in your life, yet somehow you end up spending hours of your energy focused on these negative Nellies, the negative 20 perfect of the people in your life. It is the 20 percent who cause most of the problems, stress, and anxiety.

Finding the right words to stand up for yourself

It can be hard to find the words to tell them to stop, we get that. You don’t know what to say and your mind goes blank, and it is emotional because someone is being unkind to you. Even worse, someone who is in your close inner circle is being unkind to you.

When you tell them to stop you always want to make sure that you are in a safe situation. The good thing about comebacks is you are not calling someone fully out on their bad behaviour but you are letting them know that your behaviour stinks. It is kind of an easier way to let them know you are on to the negative way they are behaving, without spelling it out fully.

If you grew up without a voice, in a household where your feelings were negated and people walked all over you and didn’t respect your point of view or your feeling it is challenging. It is going to be harder for you to stand up for yourself than someone who learned these skills growing up.

You can learn what to say. Standing up to someone is like a muscle you can develop, think of it like doing reps at the gym. You can get there, it is a question of knowing what to say and how to say it.

When you have a difficult relative who drives you crazy

Dealing with a difficult relative

If you have a relative that you find extremely difficult and  disagreeable it just makes your life challenging because you are stuck with a person you find exasperating to be around on life’s most important occasions. You are forced to spend time together on family holidays, birthday celebrations and other family events.

You may feel stuck with this relative that you don’t like or have anything in common with and  it feels like you are forced on this life journey together. You wouldn’t choose to know this person if you had a say in the matter, and there is no easy way to get out of the situation. It can leave you feeling stuck and frustrated.

I have a  family member who never respects boundaries and this is an issue we’ve had for years. I have even stopped talking to this individual three times for over a year. Many times I have felt like this person is a thorn in my ass, and I often look forward to the day that I never have to deal with them again.


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I am tired of the constant drama, badmouthing of others and constant betrayal. This person has tried to turn my friends against me, get attention from my boyfriends and use me to get attention for themselves by embarrassing me.

Truthfully, I don’t love this person, I just tolerate them and I have done so for years. This is not the kind of thing that you can really say out loud, it’s the kind of thing you think in your darkest thoughts when you are alone.

It’s hard to deal with difficult relatives who don’t respect boundaries

This is a person who doesn’t respect boundaries with anyone in their life, they have had continual warnings but they never get the lesson and they never learn. Interestingly enough, this person has a lot of casual friends, but no intimate relationships with people who will call them out on their BS. Now, this relative is driving my son crazy for the same reasons that they have driven me bonkers for years!

When I was younger I thought that severing the relationship was the answer. As I get older,  I don’t think cutting off the relationship is the right solution. I have children now, I am a role model so it is important that I get this right. 

I want to show up in the world a certain way, with kindness and respect towards others. I want to speak my truth, and let people know directly and nicely when they have stepped over the line. Now, I am doing this more for me and my self respect than for hers.

My family member has caused so much drama over the years that I created a special cheat sheet for myself with over 80 polite things to say to family to let them know nicely that they need to back off. I also created over 10 scripts, so whenever she has bad behaviour I am armed and I am ready to stand my ground in a civilized way.

So, I am going to practice what I preach, and go back to the process I developed for shutting down bullies, even ones in your own family. I can prepare and be armed and know what to do when they pull their shit on me again. And I know she will, it is just a question of time.

It’s time to let her know again, that their behaviour is not OK  and not acceptable in a nice way. I am going to have a difficult conversation about the pattern of her  interfering in my life. 

I let my guard down for a minute, and this person is sharing personal information and talking badly about me to other relatives. With certain people, you give them an inch and they take 25 miles. 


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I will use my Snappy Comebacks for All Situations workbook to write out what’s been going on and figure out my plan of action. Things are going to be OK.

Whenever there is something difficult or bad happens in our life there is also a silver lining. For me, I’ve had to put up with snipes and digs from this person for years, because of the constant put downs and I came up with hundreds of things you can say to family and friends. 

She is one of the main reasons I created the I Should Have Said web site and I have ended up helping hundreds of thousands of people deal with bullies. So I guess there is a silver lining after all.

I know you probably are dealing with a difficult person too. Don’t get discouraged, there are ways to let the person know they need to smarten up without ruining the relationship or your sanity.

Don’t let your crazy people in your life grind you down.


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Be prepared for a difficult person

If you have to deal with a difficult person who gives you a hard time, our bundle Snappy Comebacks any Situation can help you out. Be prepared for challenging people with clever responses on your phone or device at any time or anywhere.

Got any comments, questions or tips for dealing with a difficult relative. Share them in the comments below.

Verbal Defense Made Easy is almost here!

Verbal Defense Made Easy is almost here!

A couple of months ago I emailed all of you on my list and asked what you really wanted to see, what kind of content I could create that would help you in your day to day life. What you told me is that you wanted verbal self-defense made easy, especially with your relatives and family who sometimes say the most horrible things.

Yep, we all have that one relative or friend who blurts out some real zingers. It’s tricky because you want to say something to verbally defend yourself but you want to keep your relationship with your friends and family.


Our FREE Starter Guide will show you the 3 simple steps you can take right now to stand up for yourself so that you can feel confident. It’s a game changer–get it free for a limited time!

So how do you get them to stop? Well, it’s coming soon…

For the last three or four months, I have been working my buns off creating an amazing product for you guys that will take you through the process of what to say and how to say it, and how to verbally defend yourself without blowing up your relationships.

Verbal Self Defense Made Easy will also, helping you figure out why certain people pick on you. Right now, I am three quarters through creating the product. I am almost there.

I can’t wait to let you guys get your hands on a copy of Verbal Self Defense made easy, it is going to be a great product and the best thing that I have ever created.

I am so excited to show it to you all!


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Got any comments, questions about the Verbal Self Defence Bundle? Let us know.

What to say if people call you gullible

How to respond when you are called gullible
When someone calls you gullible, or a mug, the British term for naive or being fooled or easily pranked, you might feel a little embarrassed. The truth is you shouldn’t feel bad about thinking the best of other people and trying to see them in their best possible light. It would be a pretty sad world if we were all a bunch of cynics who saw the worst in others.

When you easily accept what people say it means that you see the best in people and you’re not judgemental. After all, being trusting is not a crime the only bad thing about being gullible is you could be targeted and victimized by dodgy people.


Our FREE Starter Guide will show you the 3 simple steps you can take right now to stand up for yourself so that you can feel confident. It’s a game changer–get it free for a limited time!

When Claire was at university her friend set her up and pranked her in front of a group of friends. She thought the things Sarah said to her were true and that she was a good person, but she quickly found out otherwise. Claire fell for Sarah’s nonsense once, but she decided never again and ended the friendship. You may be gullible and trusting once, but fool me twice I don’t think so.

We can’t control what happens to us but we can control how we respond. As long as you learn from the experience you haven’t lost a thing. But remember, when someone has fooled you once shame on them, if someone has fooled you twice shame on you. If a person has done something shitty to you once, don’t let them do it again!

Here are a few things you can say next time people call you a mug.

Vote for the best comeback for being called gullible

Are you agitated and confused? My work here is done!
I’m well aware that I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I’d rather be a shot of tequila anyway!
I hear there’s a new app called sense of humour. Download it, bitch!
Well, they say marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

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Got any comments, questions or tips for dealing with someone who calls you gullible? Share them in the comments below.

Kind words when someone has lost a loved one

What to say to someone who lost a loved one

When someone has passed away, it can be really challenging to find the right words to say. You want to say uplifting, kind things and you certainly don’t want to talk about anything too raw that will tear their emotions to shreds and make the person start crying right in front of you.

When dealing with a death, emotions come in waves, people can be OK one minute and then overwhelmed with grief and sadness the next. People are just trying to hold it together, some folks might feel like that can’t even go on, so the last thing that they want to do is burst out crying in a public space.

A friend of mine, Pippa, lost a dear pet, a dog that she had for seven years who helped her through some really tough times. She was on the bus going to work and listened to a song that reminded her of her dog made her start sobbing. Pippa felt so embarrassed shedding tears in public on the way to work, and not being able to hold it together.


Our FREE Starter Guide will show you the 3 simple steps you can take right now to stand up for yourself so that you can feel confident. It’s a game changer–get it free for a limited time!

Losing a pet can be so painful because you often spend more time with your pet than you do with most people in your life. She shared that she appreciated hearing positive memories of her dog.

Sharing happy positive memories of a loved is always a great thing to do. Saying how much someone will be missed and sharing a happy memory won’t send someone over the edge.

Ten things you can say to someone who has lost a loved one

  1. We sure are going to miss Jason and all the joy and laughter he brought to all of us. If there is anything we can do to lighten your load please let us know. We will be dropping off dinner for you one night next week.
  2. I am sad to hear about Sally’s passing. If you ever feel like talking I am here to listen.
  3. Dazza touched so many lives. His legacy will live on and we all cherish the time that we got to spend with him. I am grateful to have been one of his good friends for 20 years.
  4. If you ever want to talk about your Dad please don’t hesitate to call. Your father was one of my favourite people and I am always happy to reminisce about all the fun times that we shared together.
  5. Ginger was such a truly remarkable giving person. I admire how she always lived her life with such grace and dignity. She is an example of a life well-lived.
  6. Your mom always brought joy to everyone around her. I will always remember the time she X.
  7. You must have so many wonderful memories of your time together. I am sure that will help comfort you through these difficult days.
  8. The loss of such an amazing person is really challenging. Sadie was a truly lovely, kind and wonderful person.
  9. Kelly will be missed by so many people. He always brought the fun to whoever he was with and a smile to everyone’s face. Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss.
  10. John brought so much joy to everyone around him. He will be missed by many.

What to say in difficult situations

Got any comments, questions or tips for dealing with an obnoxious person? Share them in the comments below.