impact of a husband saying negative things affects the family

Julia was deeply hurt when her husband used hurtful words and called her an idiot in line at Starbucks. She felt embarrassed and humiliated, wondering how he could speak to her in such a disrespectful way in public.

Julia knew that she couldn’t let his behavior go unchecked, so she calmly confronted him. Her husband was taken aback by her assertiveness and apologized for his behaviour, probably because they were in public.

Understanding Hurtful Words in Marriage

When your husband says hurtful things it can be difficult to deal with, and it can shake your confidence and make you start to doubt yourself.  Continuous negative comments start to slowly chip away at your self esteem.

Try to remember that your husband’s hurtful comments are reflecting his emotional state and not your personal worth.

Put downs and mean comments are going to negatively affect the quality of your marriage. When your husband says hurtful things, it can be a sign of trouble in your marriage and unresolved conflicts.

You will want to address some of these marital issues, so you can prevent unkind words becoming a permanent pattern in a relationship. You will need to let your husband know in a respectful manner that it is not OK to say mean things towards you.


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Why do people say unkind things to others?

My husband always says mean things to me

When you would never make a derogatory comment towards another person, especially one that you love, it can be challenging to understand why someone might behave that way towards you.  There are multiple reasons why someone may put you down or make rude comments.

Past Experiences

Some folks grew up in a home where it was acceptable to make hurtful comments,  and they watched their parents do it on a daily basis. Your partner may be playing out an unconscious pattern that he witnessed growing up within his family.

Friends noticed the way Jackson made snippy comments towards his wife and found it incredibly disrespectful and in bad taste. They could see the way that Jackson’s father treated his mother playing out all over again.

Jackson’s first wife had enough and left him, and yet he continued the pattern as he dated new women over and over again. He was unaware of the part he played in the end of his marriage.

Anger and Frustration

When people are fed up, frustrated or in a bad mood they may take it out on others around them, and say things that they don’t mean. Things can get worse if you are going through a stressful season of life and emotions are heightened.


If you have an insecure partner, they may be jealous of the attention or accolades that you receive. Often insecure people say mean things to build themselves up, and feel superior to those around them.


Some folks will make insulting digs because of their large inflated ego. There are people who feel the need to have the last word during an argument, or the need to always be right, regardless of if what they are saying hurts your feelings. They put their ego above the relationship.


Fear is another reason that people say unkind things to their partner. If your husband is fearful of losing you, they may try to control the situation by putting you down and squashing your self esteem so you don’t leave for someone else.

There is no excuse for hurtful behaviour towards a spouse. You will want to talk to your partner about their behavior and ask why they feel the need to put you down.

It is always important to make sure that you are in a safe situation when bringing these issues up with your partner.

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The long term Impact of negative communication

We can’t forget that our behaviour also affects all of our family members, and sets a tone for the entire family. You and your family probably feel like sitting in a different room to escape the negative toxic energy.

Toxic communication can have a long term negative effect on your relationship with your spouse and family. When someone is continually insulting you, it can be difficult to feel positive or loving towards your spouse.  Obviously you’re not going to show up in a warm and loving manner when you are dealing with a negative and critical spouse. 

Talk to your spouse about breaking the negative cycle, and trying to focus on positive things about each other.  Pick one nice thing to say to each other during the day.

Identifying Abusive Behavior

Identifying Abusive Behavior when someone says unkind things

Sometimes we can’t recognize when our partner is being emotionally abusive towards us. There are certain signs to look out for, and it is important to take care and protect your own well being.

Here are some common signs of abusive behavior to watch out for:

  • Disrespectful towards you: If your husband puts you down, publicly humiliates and insults you it is emotional abuse. 
  • Manipulative behaviour: Abusive partners  may try in guit  trip you for your actions, or isuite that you are resobinsipble for their bad behaviour and verbal abuse.
  • Gaslighting: occurs when a person purposely starts to make you doubt your own perception of reality or events.. They will say something didn’t happen, and insinuate that you are the crazy one making things up.

It is important to remember that emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. If you are experiencing any of these behaviors in your relationship, it is important to seek help and support. You do not have to suffer in silence.

Counseling and self care when a husband says mean things

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The Role of Counseling and Self-Care

When your husband says mean things to you, consider getting support from a professional. Talking to a counselor is a great way to work through a challenging situation with a spouse, and help you find some strategies to work through your husband’s hurtful behaviour.

Better Help is a great resource where you can talk to a counselor from the comfort of your own home.

Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish, and it can improve your marriage in the long run.

Working Together

Finally, maintaining a healthy relationship requires working together as a couple. Both parties need to be willing to work together and put in the effort to improve the relationship. This means being supportive of each other, working through problems together, and making time for each other.

By following these tips, you can maintain a healthy relationship with your partner and build a strong, happy marriage.

Do you have a tip for what to do when your husband says mean things that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

husband says hurtful things to wife

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