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Dealing with difficult people

Do their actions reveal their bad intentions?

How to tell if someone has bad intentions

I am watching a mesmerizing show called Succession, where the parents are indifferent or have bad intentions toward their children. 

A lot of us have experienced bad intent in a relationship where somebody will say the right thing, but their actions convey something different.

What really matters is intentionality, which can be either

  1. Positive for someone 
  2. Neutral as in, I don’t really care what happens to you
  3. Firmly against someone

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As in a video game, there are non-playing characters who are neutral, and you kind of just ignore them as you go about your video game. 

There are characters that are allies who are with you, which would be a positive parent or friend.

And then your enemy is someone that’s against you. And if you do nothing to counteract it, you get blown out in the game. 

So similarly, in the game of life, if you pretend, that person is for you when they’re not, you can be left vulnerable and exposed. The worst thing is when you have someone in your inner circle who has negative intentions toward you.

In a video game, Instead of recognizing the bad intent and fighting the enemy with weapons, they’re basically just standing there and getting shot. Some of us feel like we are getting shot when someone makes a negative comment or continually crosses our boundaries.

bad intentions quote

5 traits of people with bad intentions

  1. People with bad intent  don’t care if their actions have a negative effect on other people’s lives.
  2. When a person has bad intent they try to get a rise out of you and push your buttons.
  3. People with bad intent try to triangulate and turn others against each other.
  4. People with bad intentions have an agenda when they meet someone for their own gain.
  5. A person with bad intentions doesn’t care if they hurt you.

Does anyone in your life act with bad intentions towards others?

So my question for you is do you have anyone who is acting with bad intentions towards you? Just be aware and observe them the next time you are around them and see if you can put the person in one of the three intention categories.

You may need to set up some boundaries, which will help you set some limits with those who can be difficult or have bad intentions. Setting boundaries with others can truly change your life.

You only have one life to live, don’t waste it spending time with people who have bad intentions towards you

More comebacks you might like

Do you have a tip for determining bad intent that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

Do you have a problematic person in your life?

Dealing with a problematic person

We’ve all had problematic people in our life that caused us problem after problem and it’s not fun and it can be incredibly stressful.

When you look at a problematic person, look at the wake they leave behind them. Look at the aftermath, it’s like a boat with a ripple effect. 

You can look at their life and see a trail of strained relationships behind them, whether that be friendships that have turned sour, bad romances or how they have handled work situations.

How you do anything is how you do everything. If you think it is OK to treat your parent badly, then you probably think that it is OK to treat the other people in your life poorly.

Problematic people leave a wake behind them

Problematic people have a pattern of bad relationships

They may have had many issues with a lot of their key relationships. My cousin had a supervisor who joined her company a year and a half ago. Since the new boss arrived, three people who have worked with her have gone on medical leave, and the rest of her reports resigned within the last four months. The data doesn’t lie… the boss clearly has issues.

Problematic people like to blame others for their troubles, and are quick to make it known that it’s not their fault. Don’t blindly accept the blame from a friendship, a bad boss or a bullying situation with a difficult person. Most likely, you are not at fault.

Have a look at a person’s past and see if there’s a pattern. When we are dealing with a problematic person we are only responsible for our part of it and how we respond.

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

Our FREE Starter Guide will show you the 3 simple steps you can take right now to stand up for yourself so that you can feel confident. It’s a game changer–get it free for a limited time!

Ten Traits of Problematic People

  1. Problematic people are friends with someone one week and then falling out the next. They are constantly unfriending and refriending friends on Instagram.
  2. They ask you not to to speak to someone that they had a falling out with. Just because they don’t like someone doesn’t mean that you have to have an issue with the person.
  3. They cycle through their friendships quickly. It’s hard to keep up with their new best friend or boyfriend.
  4. With problematic people It’s never their fault. Someone is always to blame and they are never accountable for their actions.
  5. Problem people badmouth others behind their back even though they are nice to the person’s face.
  6. They lead smear campaigns against other people to make them look bad.
  7. They have a bad character and when things get stressful, their true personality is revealed.
  8. Problematic people tell you how you should be living your life even though they don’t have the results that you want in your life.
  9. They are dictators when you hang out with them. Problem folks have a my way or the highway approach.
  10. Everything is a big deal and they major in minor things. They get angry over the smallest thing, and you feel like you are walking on egg shells constantly.

Shutting down a problematic person

If you have someone in your life who doesn’t respect boundaries there is a pretty good chance that you are going to have to say something to get them to stop saying inappropriate things to you.

Our free guide How to Sand up for Yourself the Easy Way can help you out.

More comebacks you might like

Do you have a tip for dealing with problematic people that you think others should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

How to respond when someone tries to push your buttons

How to respond when people try to push your buttons or wind you up

I think we’ve all experienced this where someone is purposely trying to push our buttons. Then they turn around and they try and they play the innocent victim. 

The best way to respond to a situation like this is not to give the person the response that they’re looking for. 

Don’t get upset, that’s what they want. Instead, use a polite comeback that lets them know that their behaviour is not acceptable.

And once you can see how they are trying to manipulate you, and you’re prepared, they will no longer hold any power over you.

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

Our FREE Starter Guide will show you the 3 simple steps you can take right now to stand up for yourself so that you can feel confident. It’s a game changer–get it free for a limited time!

people who try to push your buttons
Photo courtesy of @understandingthenarc

I shared this screenshot about a narcissist who purposely tried to wind you up in a Facebook group and it resonated with a lot of people, and had 191 likes. 

A relative used to do this to me all the time in public. She would even have a sly smile as she gained satisfaction from publicly humiliating and hurting me.

People who push buttons are looking for a reaction from you

The term “dog-whistling” gave me a lot of clarity about the game that this person plays. From now on, I will be able to easily identify when someone has this kind of behaviour.

It is like the person is trying to poke you with a stick to see how upset they can get you. 

Don’t give them the satisfaction!

Here are some things you can say when people are trying to wind you up or push your buttons

  1. If you’re waiting for me to care it’s gonna be a while.
  2. Don’t push me to the point that I don’t care. Even I have my limits.
  3. Enough already! Do I need to duct tape your mouth today?
  4. Honestly, you remind me of a migraine.
  5. I  need to cancel my subscription to your issues. 

The best thing about it is that you can always be prepared for people who try to push your buttons, and expect it from them!

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Do you have a tip for dealing with people who push buttons that you think people should know about? Leave it in the comments below.

When you dread seeing your family over the holidays

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The holidays can be a hard time because we all have that person in our family tree that we wished had sprung from a different orchard. 

Maybe it’s your brother in law who has different political views, and never lets you hear the end of it. You may have a narcissist in your life who ruins all of your events.

Some folks are just difficult, and you may find it frustrating that you’re forced to spend the holidays together in a confined place. 

The best Christmas holidays I’ve had were spent on Bondi Beach with a big group of friends. Another year, when I was a flight attendant, I spent Christmas in Mumbai with the airline crew and we had a wonderful time. I had butter chicken for Christmas dinner, it was nontraditional and I loved every minute of it!

WANT TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF?

Our FREE Starter Guide will show you the 3 simple steps you can take right now to stand up for yourself so that you can feel confident. It’s a game changer–get it free for a limited time!

There are always going to be difficult people but you can learn to manage them.

The thing that’s important to remember is that it is your holiday too. COVID may be the perfect excuse to say that you can’t make it this year. 

Some folks won’t change their negative ways, but if you do have to spend time together, have a plan in place for how you will deal with the person. 

Make sure you schedule in some time for yourself over the holidays, to do the things that you like to do 5instead of catering to everyone else’s agenda.

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Got any comments, questions or tips for dealing with difficult family over the holidays? Share them in the comments below.

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