Double Standards in Relationships: The Unspoken Rules of Expectations

Understanding Double Standards

In relationships, a double standard refers to a set of principles or expectations that are applied differently to different individuals or groups. It is an unfair expectation that can harm a relationship. One partner may have certain expectations of their significant other, but they do not believe the same expectations should be applied to them.

Double standards can arise in various contexts, such as in communication, decision-making, and intimacy. For example, one partner may expect the other to always be available for them, but they are not willing to make the same effort. This can lead to resentment and distrust over time, which can ultimately damage the relationship.

Psychological Basis

The psychological basis for double standards in relationships can be complex. In some cases, it may stem from a lack of self-awareness or empathy. One partner may not realize that they are applying different expectations to their significant other, or they may not understand how their actions are affecting the relationship.

In other cases, double standards may arise from a desire for power or control. One partner may feel that they have the right to set the rules and expectations for the relationship, while the other partner is expected to follow them without question.

It is important to recognize double standard behaviors early on in a relationship and establish mutual respect for reasonable boundaries. This can help restore fairness and prevent resentment and distrust from building up over time. Communication is key in addressing double standards, and both partners should be willing to listen to each other’s perspectives and work towards a solution that benefits both parties.

the Impact of having Double Standards in Relationships

Double standards in relationships can have a significant impact on both partners involved. These impacts can range from emotional consequences to effects on trust and communication.

Emotional Consequences

When double standards exist in a relationship, it can cause emotional distress for the partner who is being held to a different standard. This can lead to feelings of resentment, anger, and frustration. Over time, these emotions can build up and cause a rift in the relationship.

Furthermore, double standards can cause a power imbalance in the relationship, with one partner feeling more dominant and the other feeling submissive. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem for the partner who is being held to a different standard.

Effects on Trust and Communication

Double standards can also have a negative impact on trust and communication in a relationship. When one partner is held to a different standard, it can lead to a breakdown in trust between the partners. The partner who is being held to a different standard may feel that their partner does not trust them, which can lead to feelings of betrayal.

Additionally, double standards can make communication difficult in a relationship. When one partner is held to a different standard, it can be difficult to communicate effectively about issues that arise. This can lead to misunderstandings and disagreements that can further damage the relationship.

In conclusion, double standards in relationships can have a significant impact on both partners involved. It is important for both partners to recognize when double standards are present and work together to establish mutual respect and reasonable boundaries. By doing so, both partners can feel valued and respected in the relationship, which can lead to a stronger and healthier partnership.

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Addressing Double Standards

Recognizing and Accepting

The first step in addressing double standards in a relationship is recognizing that they exist. It is essential to accept that double standards can arise in any relationship, and it is not limited to age, gender, or ethnicity. When you recognize that double standards exist, you can begin to address them, and you can work together with your partner to build a happier and healthier relationship.

Effective Communication

Effective communication is crucial in addressing double standards in a relationship. You need to talk to your partner about your feelings and concerns. Calmly discuss the issue with your partner and think about the way you’ll talk to them about the double standard in your relationship. It’s essential to recall the times that you’ve experienced this unfair treatment before talking to your partner.

When you communicate with your partner, try to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You always do this,” say, “I feel hurt when you do this.” This will help your partner understand how their behavior affects you and can lead to a more productive conversation.

It’s also essential to listen to your partner when they express their feelings and concerns. Try to understand their perspective and work together to find a solution that works for both of you.

In conclusion, addressing double standards in a relationship requires recognizing and accepting that they exist and effective communication. By working together with your partner, you can build a healthier relationship built on trust and equality.

The Role of counselling and self care

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When you are dealing with someone who has double standards in their relationships and you find it stressful, consider getting support from a professional. Talking to a counselor is a great way to work through a challenging situation, and help you find some strategies to work through the person’s behaviour.

Better Help is a great resource where you can talk to a counselor from the comfort of your own home. 

Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish, and you will feel better in the long run.

Got any comments, questions, or tips on dealing with double standards relationships? Share them in the comments below.