What to say when someone wants to know WHY YOU DIDN'T TELL THEM SOMETHING

When someone says, “Why didn’t you tell me” they are letting you know that they believe you should be sharing a lot of personal information with them.  Whether it’s your best friend or your boyfriend, not everything is meant to be shared. In a culture where people are overshare everything from what they had for breakfast on social media, you may face potential criticism if you keep a few things to yourself.

Being close with someone doesn’t mean you have to reveal every thought you have or everything you have done in your past. People have different levels of intimacy, maybe you or your partner likes to be a 100 percent transparent while you prefer to keep a few things to yourself.

By oversharing every thought and feeling you have you may cause hurt feelings unnecessarily. Feelings can be fleeting, maybe you have a crush on a coworker or you prefer hanging out with your new bestie at work more than your best friend outside the office. Tomorrow you may feel differently about the situation, there is no need to cause alarm by sharing every brain fart that you possess.


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How much you reveal to friends and family also depends on your personality type. You may be introverted, while the people closest to you could be extroverts, how you engage with the world could be entirely different.

Here are a few fun comebacks you can have ready the next time your friend or the town gossip complains, “Why didn’t you tell me?” Go ahead and let us know what you think is the best answer in the comments below.

11 best comebacks when someone says “why didn’t you tell me?”

1. My business isn’t your business. Unless you’re my thong, don’t be up my ass.

2. Quick check your face, because I just found a nose in my business again.

3. The less you reveal, the more people can wonder.

4. Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.

5. If I didn’t tell you, it’s because it doesn’t concern you.

6. I don’t need to tell you everything.

7. Because it’s none of your business.

8. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were interested.

9. I didn’t realize I was responsible for sharing everything someone tells me.

10. You’ll learn to live with the disappointment.

11. Oh no… how will you go on with your life?

More snappy comebacks you might like

Why do people ask “why didn’t you tell me?”

When they feel like they were excluded from knowing important information or when they feel like they missed out on something they may ask why you didn’t tell them. Friends and loved ones can feel hurt or betrayed if they find out that others were in the know and they weren’t.

Why didn’t you tell me is a common concern when people weren’t told about something that they feel they should have been informed about.

10 famous people who didn’t share important information

Here are 10 famous people who didn’t share important information:

1. Elizabeth Holmes: The former CEO of Theranos was charged and committed fraud when she refused to disclose that her company’s blood-testing technology didn’t work as advertised in the media.

2. Mark Zuckerberg: The Facebook CEO did not disclose how his company was using user data.

3. Richard Nixon: The former US President didn’t share that he had been having secretly recorded conversations in the Oval Office.

4. Lance Armstrong: The cyclist denied steroid use for years before finally admitting the truth that he had been doping.

5. Bernie Madoff: The financier ran a Ponzi scheme for years, and defrauded clients, friends and family out of billions of dollars.

6. Bill Clinton: The former President denied having sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky, but later admitted to it.

7. Martha Stewart: The company founder was convicted and charged of insider trading for not disclosing information about a stock sale.

8. Tiger Woods: The golfer was caught out in a high-profile cheating scandal and didn’t disclose the extent of his infidelity to his wife and fans until much later.

9. Harvey Weinstein: The film producer was accused with sexual misconduct with famous actresses for years before the allegations were made public.

10. Sam Bankman-Fried: The founder of a crypto company committed massive fraud by increasing the price artificially of new digital currencies.

Morgan was mad her friend didn’t tell her she was going backpacking through Europe

Morgan couldn’t believe it when she scrolled through her social media feed and saw her best friend, Sarah, posting photos from picturesque European cities. “Backpacking through Europe? When did this happen?” Morgan muttered to herself, feeling a mix of surprise and frustration.

As she clicked through Sarah’s posts, Morgan couldn’t shake off the sense of betrayal. She had always thought that she and Sarah shared everything with each other. From childhood secrets to teenage crushes, they had been each other’s confidantes. Yet, here was Sarah embarking on a grand adventure without so much as a hint to Morgan.

Feeling hurt and left out, Morgan decided to reach out to Sarah. She sent her a message expressing her surprise at the news and her disappointment that she hadn’t been informed. Sarah replied with an apologetic explanation, sharing that the trip had been a spontaneous decision and that she had been caught up in the whirlwind of planning and preparing for the journey.

Despite Sarah’s explanation, Morgan couldn’t shake off the feeling of being excluded from such a significant event in her friend’s life. She understood that people change and have their own lives, but she had always thought that their bond was stronger than the need for secrets.

After some reflection, Morgan decided to have an open and honest chat with Sarah. She expressed how much their friendship meant to her and how she had felt hurt by being left out of such a major life event. Sarah listened attentively, and the two friends had a heart-to-heart discussion about the importance of communication and transparency in their relationship.

As they talked, it became clear that Sarah had not intentionally kept her plans a secret to hurt Morgan. She had simply been caught up in the excitement and chaos of planning the trip and hadn’t considered how it might affect her friend.

In the end, the conversation brought them closer together. They both acknowledged the need for better communication and agreed to be more open about their respective lives and plans. Sarah promised to keep Morgan updated on her adventures, and Morgan vowed to be more understanding and supportive of her friend’s endeavors.

The experience taught them both the importance of clear communication and the value of addressing misunderstandings with empathy and understanding.

The Role of counselling and self care

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When you are dealing with someone who gets angry and wants to know why you didn’t tell them something and it is causing you stress, consider getting support from a professional. Talking to a counsellor is a great way to work through a challenging situation, and help you find some strategies to work through the person’s behaviour.

Better Help is a great resource where you can talk to a counselor from the comfort of your own home. 

Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish, and you will feel better in the long run.

Got any comments, questions or tips for dealing with people who ask why you didn’t tell them something? Share them in the comments below.

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One Comment

  1. I keep hearing this comment “why didn’t you tell me.” So today again I heard it and told this person “because I don’t have to tell you everything.” Not everything is meant to be shared with others when you don’t feel like revealing or you don’t want to ask for their opinion. There is a reason why you didn’t say anything to begin with. From other experiences, I think it’s a sense of feeling important that it’s expected of you to HAVE to tell them what’s going on. Nope!!


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