Have you ever had a friend or a boyfriend keep bringing up your past or mistakes that you made years ago? Most of us have embarrassing moments or chapters of our lives that we’re not particularly proud of. Maybe it is that time you danced on a table in a nightclub or made a complete fool of yourself in high school.
The last thing we need is someone publicly broadcasting or going on about our worst possible moments. After all, you are not your past, everyone is constantly changing and evolving as a person. You are probably not the same person you were five years ago.
You can’t help but wonder what is someone’s motivation for continually mentioning your past? Sometimes it’s best to ignore what someone said and other times people can be so continually disrespectful you have to call the person out on their behaviour.
Here are some things you can have ready on the tip of your tongue, next time they bring up negative or embarrassing stories about you from long ago.
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What to say to someone who keeps bringing up your past
1. I don’t look back; I’m not going that way.
2. If you judge me by my past don’t be surprised when you become part of it.
3. You’re like a plunger, you keep bringing up old shit.
4. You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep rereading the last one.
5. The past is a place of reference, not a residence.
6. I am not the same person I was a month ago, a day ago or a year ago. Life is always changing.
7. I don’t regret my past, I just regret the time I wasted with the wrong people.
8. Sometimes people with the worst pasts end up creating the best futures.
9. It doesn’t matter who I used to be. All that matters is who I have become.
10. If you’re looking for the old me check the morgue.
Definition of someone who brings up your past
A person who brings up your past is someone who wants to remind you of your failures to make you feel guilty about it. They want to have that leverage to shame you and blemish your reputation.
With your bad moments repeatedly chanted publicly, it might affect your self-esteem which eventually results in negativity.
The goal is simple: These people love to pick on your past mistakes, so they can hurt you and then feel good about themselves.
How to deal with a person who brings up your past
It’s hard to go back to the past that brings you bad memories. It will bog you down, to a point where it becomes your burden.
You can’t just watch and let it happen. You have to take these measures to protect yourself.
1. Set boundaries with people who bring up your past
You don’t have to be aggressive; you just have to be assertive. And that’s what setting boundaries is for; you need to draw an invisible line to protect yourself.
Be confident about it, and communicate. You see and hear their point of view and you let them see and hear yours.
2. Communicate effectively
When it comes to mending bad situations, having effective communication is the typical solution. So, talk it out!
Concentrate on the behaviour that’s affecting you. Then, you can move on to your different views and find a common ground. But be careful, the point of talking is to solve an issue and not to defeat each other.
3. Don’t engage in arguments
Bad arguments can solve nothing. If anything, it will only cause more bad feelings.
If someone aggressively wants to bring up your past, you can avoid interacting with them. These people want to annihilate you emotionally, so stay calm and don’t give them the satisfaction.
4. Focus on the present
You can’t change what’s in the past. You can only work to be better in the present and in the future. Everyone makes mistakes, anyway. That’s why you should forgive yourself for it, instead of beating yourself up. Focus on what’s “now” and move on.
5. Seek support
Dealing with someone who torments you with your past is anxiety-inducing. You don’t need to suck it all up by yourself. You can get emotional support from your friends and family, that’s what they’re there for.
But if it ever becomes too heavy and depressing, you can always ask for professional help.
Honest talk: Your wounded memories will fill you with incredible pain and regret. Though your past mistakes will always be a part of you, you don’t have to be defined by them.
Fighting with someone who keeps bringing up your past is pointless. Stop worrying about them and your past guilt, just live and learn.
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Famous people are known for bringing up other people’s pasts
Since we’re on the subject of people trying to bring up other people’s pasts, it becomes pretty ironic to do this list.
But for the sake of this experiment, we’re going to have to bring other people’s past who were bringing other people’s past. Complicated semantics, but you get the point.
1. Roseanne Barr
Roseanne Barr can’t shut up about Valerie Jarret’s past associations with the Muslim Brotherhood. She was outright making demeaning remarks that were both offensive and racist.
2. Donald Trump
Political debates mean digging up the past, at least in Donald Trump’s book, it is.
The billionaire turned President of the U.S. has criticized both Hilary Clinton and Joe Biden on their past behaviour toward women involving physical assault.
3. Wendy Williams
Seems like Wendy Williams has an encyclopedia filled with celebrities’ most embarrassing moments. The controversial TV host is all out attacking her fellow public figures about past mental health problems and addictions.
It’s not good to bring up people’s past mistakes. It’s mentally, emotionally, and even physically damaging.
Everyone has their own embracing story that fills them with dread. We all must learn to embrace that by putting our well-being and happiness our main priorities.
We know, it’s not easy to forget about the past, especially if that past inflicted pain to others. Still, you have to value what you are today, changed and better.
The Role of counselling and self care
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When you are dealing with someone who keeps bringing up your past and you find it stressful, consider getting support from a professional. Talking to a counselor is a great way to work through a challenging situation, and help you find some strategies to work through the person’s behaviour.
Better Help is a great resource where you can talk to a counselor from the comfort of your own home.
Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish, and you will feel better in the long run.
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