Have you ever had a friend or a boyfriend keep bringing up your past or mistakes that you made years ago? Most of us have embarrassing moments or chapters of our lives that we’re not particularly proud of. Maybe it is that time you danced on a table in a nightclub or made a complete fool of yourself in high school.
The last thing we need is someone publicly broadcasting or going on about our worst possible moments. After all, you are not your past, everyone is constantly changing and evolving as a person. You are probably not the same person you were five years ago.
You can’t help but wonder what is someone’s motivation for continually mentioning your past? Sometimes it’s best to ignore what someone said and other times people can be so continually disrespectful you have to call the person out on their behaviour.
Here are some things you can have ready on the tip of your tongue, next time they bring up negative or embarrassing stories about you from long ago.
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What to say to someone who keeps bringing up your past
- I don’t look back; I’m not going that way.
- If you judge me by my past don’t be surprised when you become part of it.
- You’re like a plunger, you keep bringing up old shit.
- You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep rereading the last one.
- The past is a place of reference, not a residence.
- I am not the same person I was a month ago, a day ago or a year ago. Life is always changing.
- I don’t regret my past, I just regret the time I wasted with the wrong people.
- Sometimes people with the worst pasts end up creating the best futures.
- It doesn’t matter who I used to be. All that matters is who I have become.
- If you’re looking for the old me check the morgue.
Definition of someone who brings up your past
A person who brings up your past is someone who wants to remind you of your failures to make you feel guilty about it. They want to have that leverage to shame you and blemish your reputation.
With your bad moments repeatedly chanted publicly, it might affect your self-esteem which eventually results in negativity.
The goal is simple: These people love to pick on your past mistakes, so they can hurt you and then feel good about themselves.
How to deal with a person who brings up your past
It’s hard to go back to the past that brings you bad memories. It will bog you down, to a point where it becomes your burden.
You can’t just watch and let it happen. You have to take these measures to protect yourself.
1. Set boundaries with people who bring up your past
You don’t have to be aggressive; you just have to be assertive. And that’s what setting boundaries is for; you need to draw an invisible line to protect yourself.
Be confident about it, and communicate. You see and hear their point of view and you let them see and hear yours.
2. Communicate effectively
When it comes to mending bad situations, having effective communication is the typical solution. So, talk it out!
Concentrate on the behaviour that’s affecting you. Then, you can move on to your different views and find a common ground. But be careful, the point of talking is to solve an issue and not to defeat each other.
3. Don’t engage in arguments
Bad arguments can solve nothing. If anything, it will only cause more bad feelings.
If someone aggressively wants to bring up your past, you can avoid interacting with them. These people want to annihilate you emotionally, so stay calm and don’t give them the satisfaction.
4. Focus on the present
You can’t change what’s in the past. You can only work to be better in the present and in the future. Everyone makes mistakes, anyway. That’s why you should forgive yourself for it, instead of beating yourself up. Focus on what’s “now” and move on.
5. Seek support
Dealing with someone who torments you with your past is anxiety-inducing. You don’t need to suck it all up by yourself. You can get emotional support from your friends and family, that’s what they’re there for.
But if it ever becomes too heavy and depressing, you can always ask for professional help.
Honest talk: Your wounded memories will fill you with incredible pain and regret. Though your past mistakes will always be a part of you, you don’t have to be defined by them.
Fighting with someone who keeps bringing up your past is pointless. Stop worrying about them and your past guilt, just live and learn.
More clever comebacks you might like
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- Check out our top ten lists
Famous people are known for bringing up other people’s pasts
Since we’re on the subject of people trying to bring up other people’s pasts, it becomes pretty ironic to do this list.
But for the sake of this experiment, we’re going to have to bring other people’s past who were bringing other people’s past. Complicated semantics, but you get the point.
1. Roseanne Barr
Roseanne Barr can’t shut up about Valerie Jarret’s past associations with the Muslim Brotherhood. She was outright making demeaning remarks that were both offensive and racist.
2. Donald Trump
Political debates mean digging up the past, at least in Donald Trump’s book, it is.
The billionaire turned President of the U.S. has criticized both Hilary Clinton and Joe Biden on their past behaviour toward women involving physical assault.
3. Wendy Williams
Seems like Wendy Williams has an encyclopedia filled with celebrities’ most embarrassing moments. The controversial TV host is all out attacking her fellow public figures about past mental health problems and addictions.
It’s not good to bring up people’s past mistakes. It’s mentally, emotionally, and even physically damaging.
Everyone has their own embracing story that fills them with dread. We all must learn to embrace that by putting our well-being and happiness our main priorities.
We know, it’s not easy to forget about the past, especially if that past inflicted pain to others. Still, you have to value what you are today, changed and better.
The role of counselling and self-care
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When you are dealing with someone who keeps bringing up your past and you find it stressful, consider getting support from a professional. Talking to a counselor is a great way to work through a challenging situation, and help you find some strategies to work through the person’s behaviour.
Better Help is a great resource where you can talk to a counselor from the comfort of your own home.
Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish, and you will feel better in the long run.
Via A Z Quotes
23 Responses
Don’t judge me by my past. I don’t live there anymore.
Amen Wallace…It’s so sad when people look at you and all they think about is their past Divorce your past and marry your future because your future looks better then your past.
Your comment reminds me of a Paulo Coelho quote. Don’t worry about the people from your past, there is a reason they aren’t in your future.
Hi my name is mrs jessica and my husband keep bringing up the past from which i was being botherd on a job that i had from a male i thought i could handle the problem by telling my supervisior to tell the male to leave me alone was very scared to tell my husband he is a very jealous man he would have thought that i was liken this male and i wasnt and this happen like three years ago and he still brings it up
Nice
My friends say I was the weakest in the class I said why u bringing up old shit the only old shit I see is your damn girlfriend who left u
1)Try this one. I found it here on the website: “I’m sorry I can’t hear you. I’ve got my moron filter on”. 2) If they imply that you’re unattractive then say: “I guess that means I’m still out of your league”. 3) Tell them to give their opinions in writing next time so that you can use it as toilet paper
Tell them ” Counting other people’s sins won’t make you a saint.”
I love this!! Brilliant!
Bea, I love that. I’m going to be using that.
I had a toxic friend that I don’t talk to anymore she would call my now fiance and tries to bring up past issues and mentions someone I used to flirt with back in the day thinking that this way he’d look down on me..lol b*tch doesn’t know that he totally ignores her blabbering and tells me all details even her messages he shows me screen shots and now we completely cut her off.
Good for you cutting the toxix person out of your life.
Bryn
Good for you cutting the toxic person out of your life.
Bryn
A good one would be “That was int he past so leave the past up your ass”
Yes I agree with this I hate when people bring up my past or tell other people my past is embarrassing and the person who keeps bringing it up is like a popular/mean person.
Everyone has some stuff in thier life that they would not consider ghier proudestb moments, just consider, that people who hide thier own dirty laundry while waving yours about Most likely have real skeletons in thier closet. Stuff thier too ashamed to repeat. Unlike yours that can’t be that terrible, otherwise you wouldn’t be ready to eated it right??
Hi, the best put down to toxic people(s) who bring up your past is ‘I forgot all about that’. This is because the toxic person really wants you to be feeling bad and hopes this will trigger anger in yourself. Stay away from anyone who acts like this, they do not respect you if they do this. They want you to feel as bad as they do in life. Be happy and grateful you are not like these people. Smile and move on to more positive people who will smother you with love and respect. Be Happy Good People…
Hi Ian, thank you for sharing. I totally agree with you. Bryn
Agree… I tried saying “I forgot all about it,” to someone toxic and she countered, “you are mentally unstable!” And continue to rant unreasonably on and on and threatened to hot me.
I just kept quiet and move away when I could. No thanks to having such people in my life.
there is a boy in my class (seventh grade) that keeps bugging me about a game i don’t even play! he has also told almost all the other boys on my team. i didn’t tell my mom, or anybody cause i thought i could handle it, because he is doing it to my best friend too. she tells me to just ignore them, but i can’t! he got me to the point that i went to the bathroom and cried during seventh period. but, these comebacks really helped me. although, we can all use the classic shut your stupid face 🙂
Hi Kylie,
I think you should talk to your mom about it just to get your feelings out. It will make you feel better.
Check out this post, it has comebacks that you can use at school and you won’t get in trouble.
https://ishouldhavesaid.net/2013/12/top-ten-comebacks-kids-can-use-at-school/
Bryn
all except 3 and 10 sound defensive and almost like you’re trying to justify yourself
I like using, “Ok, ill call you if I need a biography written”