Ask Bryn

Bryn Connor

Hi Bryn,

I just recently left my school mid-year, and I don’t know what to do because I have a lot of friends that I would like to keep in touch with but I can’t due to personal issues. My question is that what can I say to people who are my *friends* but it feels like I’m always the first to contact them, to ask about them and they just reply only after I ask. I get frustrated at times because it starts to feel like a responsibility. So Bryn, with your clever mind I hope you can advise me on what to say.

Coco, UK


Hi Coco,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through a personally challenging time.

I think those people are truly your friends but people are inherently lazy. People always do what is easiest for them, and they spend more time and think about people who are around them at school every day.

This recently happened to my nephew, he went to a different high school than most of the students in his elementary school. Even though he had a lot of good friends, a lot of the kids have drifted apart now that they are at other schools. When they run into my nephew, his old friends are really happy to see him and even run up and hug him.

What you want to do is keep the relationship alive and positive. Maybe check in every couple of months and say hello or post something on social media and tag them. Maybe also say something positive about them that you genuinely feel is true. You could share something you appreciate about them like how funny they are, smart, kind and an amazing listener.

A lot of people will appreciate the kind words. When you go back to your old school or are in a situation where you are close to them again, the relationship will be able to resume in a positive way.

Wishing you all good things. 🙂


Why do people lose touch with good friends?

People can lose touch with good friends for a variety of reasons. Life transitions, such as moving to a new city, starting a new job, or entering into a new phase of life, can lead to changes in routines and priorities, making it challenging to maintain regular contact.

The demands of work, family, and personal responsibilities can consume a significant amount of time and energy, leaving little room for social connections.

Often evolving interests, values, or lifestyles may lead individuals and their friends in different directions, making it more difficult to find common ground and maintain the same level of closeness.

Don’t forget that misunderstandings, conflicts, or unresolved issues can strain friendships, leading to a gradual loss of contact over time. Despite these challenges, it’s important to recognize that friendships can evolve and change, and it’s possible to reconnect with good friends even after periods of distance.

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How to keep in touch with old friends

Staying connected with old friends can be a rewarding experience. Here are some strategies to help maintain and strengthen those friendships:

1. Schedule regular check-ins: Set a recurring time to catch up, whether it’s a monthly phone call, video chat, or in-person meeting if possible.

2. Use social media: Stay connected through social media platforms to share updates, photos, and messages. Engage with their posts and reach out with comments or direct messages.

3. Plan reunions or gatherings: Organize get-togethers or reunions to bring old friends together. This could be a casual meet-up, a group trip, or attending events together.

4. Send thoughtful messages: Drop a text, email, or handwritten note to let your friend know you’re thinking of them. Share memories, ask about their life, and offer support.

5. Show interest in their life: Ask about their interests, hobbies, and experiences. Actively listen and show genuine curiosity about what’s important to them.

6. Be supportive: Offer encouragement, celebrate their achievements, and provide a listening ear during challenging times. Showing empathy and understanding can strengthen your bond.

7. Share experiences: If possible, engage in activities together, such as taking a class, going on a hike, or exploring a new hobby. Creating new memories can strengthen your friendship.

8. Be flexible and understanding: Recognize that life gets busy, and schedules may not always align. Be understanding if plans need to change and remain flexible in your approach to staying in touch.

By proactively reaching out and making an effort to maintain connections, you can nurture and strengthen your friendships with old friends.

The Role of counselling and self care

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When you lose touch with your good friends and you find it stressful, consider getting support from a professional. Talking to a counselor is a great way to work through a challenging situation, and help you find some strategies to work through the person’s behaviour.

Better Help is a great resource where you can talk to a counselor from the comfort of your own home. 

Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish, and you will feel better in the long run.

Got any comments, questions or tips when you lose touch with your good friends? Share them in the comments below.

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