Comebacks when someone asks if you masturbate. Check out our top ten comeback lists at

Urban Dictionary has some funny slang words for masturbation, “Bleeding the weasel, buffing the banana, choking the chicken, cleaning your rifle, , flute solo, jerkin’the gherkin, looping the mule, manual override, painting the pickle, and spanking the monkey.”

When someone asks if you masturbate you may think WTF, who would ask such a weird and personal question? Apparently, guys think of sex every seven seconds! I guess they need to do something with all that pent up sexual energy, which explains why 90 percent of guys masturbate regularly.

If someone you are seeing asks this question,  they might bea little curious about when you do when your’re not with them. When a random stranger wants to know if you are getting it on alone, it is a little strange.

If a stranger or a casual acquaintance asks if you masturbate, you probably want to shut them up with one of our clever comebacks.


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10 Best comebacks to do you masturbate

1. I’m masterbating right now.

2. Hell yes, any man that says he doesn’t is either a liar or an amputee.

3. Yes, and when I do, I think of you.

4. I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you were a voyeur and that such information was necessary for you to know.

5. No, not since the pineapple incident.

6. I masturbate like it’s a competitive sport.

7. I masturbate like it’s nobody’s business.

8. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize my sexuality was up for discussion.

9. And you don’t?

10. Do you always ask people personal questions about their sexual habits?

Why do people ask if you masturbate

Questions about masturbation can be very personal and touchy; people may ask them for different reasons. They are often based on the situation and how close they are to you. Here are some reasons why someone might ask if you masturbate:

  1. Curiosity: Sometimes, people want to know more about sexual health and experiences, and asking can be a great way to start an open and honest conversation.
  1. Sexual interest: When someone finds you attractive, they might ask this question to see if you’re open to talking about sex.
  1. Joking around: People sometimes ask this question just to be funny or shake things up a little.
  1. Inappropriate behaviour: Sadly, some individuals ask this question in a way that’s not okay, like sexual harassment or trying to make others uncomfortable.

Regardless of the reason, it’s crucial to remember that asking someone about their masturbation habits is usually not cool and can make them feel uncomfortable. If someone asks you a question that makes you uneasy, remember that you have every right to establish boundaries and kindly let them know it’s not a suitable topic to discuss.

Pee Wee Herman was caught masturbating in a movie theatre

Twenty-five years ago, children’s actor Pee-Wee Herman was arrested for masturbating in a Florida theatre. Pee-wee, whose real name is Paul Reubens, was spotted by an

Pee Wee Herman, Photo by Alan Light.

uncover police officer inside the Sarasota adult’s only theatre.

Mr. Reubens was charged with sexual exposure to which he pleaded no contest. He was ordered to do community service and pay a fine.

He was in his hometown of Sarasota, visiting his parents. Now that’s got to be an embarrassing thing to explain to your parents over dinner.

More comebacks you might like

funny masturbate meme

The Role of counselling and self care

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When you are dealing with a person who asks if if you masturbate and you find it stressful, consider getting support from a professional. Talking to a counselor is a great way to work through a challenging situation, and help you find some strategies to work through the person’s behaviour.

Better Help is a great resource where you can talk to a counselor from the comfort of your own home. 

Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish, and you will feel better in the long run.

Got any comments, questions or tips for dealing with someone who asks if you masturbate? Share them in the comments below.

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