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Ask Bryn

What should I do if I have forgiven  someone for  talking behind my back then they go and do it again?

Natasha, Zimbabwe


Hey Natasha,,

Finding out that a good friend has been talking behind your back is extremely painful, especially if it is the second time it has happened. There is a great quote by Maya Angelou,  ” When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”

This friend is showing you who she is. If she talks behind your back, she probably  talks about other people as well.  You have to decide if you want to be close with someone who isn’t trustworthy.  You may want to demote her from an A friend to a C friend (read more) and just have her as an acquaintance. In any case, you need to set some boundaries with this person, especially if you are sharing any confidential information with her.

Here are a few things you can say to let her know you are aware she has been talking about you. Or you may chose to not say anything, some people aren’t worth even wasting your energy on, maybe it’s time to just move on.

If you do want to say something, try a few few comebacks for fake friends:

  1. I used to think I was over reacting. Now I realize that it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullshit.
  2. The only people I owe my loyalty to are the people who never made me question theirs.
  3. The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.

Oprah added a few things to the concept of believing people the first time:

“Remember this because it will happen many times in your life. When people show you who they are the first time believe them. Not the 29th. time. When a man doesn’t call you back the first time, when you are mistreated the first time, when someone shows you lack of integrity or dishonesty the first time, know that this will be followed many many other times, that will some point in life come back to haunt or hurt you. Live your life in truth. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. You will survive anything if you live your life from the point of view of truth.

Wishing you all good things.


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