What to say when someone asks why you don't want to be their friend

Ask Bryn

Hey so, I had this friend who I was close to for a while, but as I got to know them better, they proved to be a real jerk. I don’t talk to them anymore, but if they try to ask me what happened, what should I say?

Louisa, Brazil


If someone asks you directly why you are no longer friends you might not want to go into the details of what you don’t like about them. Explaining to the person what went wrong may take a tremendous amount of your energy.

If they are not a close friend, save your energy for the more important things you have going on in your life. You could tell them that you have been busy with work or school.

When I was younger, I used to think that I had a responsibility to explain myself and be honest if I was ending a bad relationship or distancing myself from someone.

A lot of people’s problems come from their backward thinking and their belief system, explaining how they offended you isn’t really going to solve the problem or change their life in any way.

If the person isn’t a good fit for you as a friend they may be perfect for someone else. If you have mutual friends, they may ask why you ended the friendship, don’t badmouth the person.

Sometimes you have to let the bad friendships go to make room for the good ones.

Wishing you all good things



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When you don’t want to be friends with someone anymore and you find it stressful, consider getting support from a professional. Talking to a counselor is a great way to work through a challenging situation, and help you find some strategies to work through the person’s behaviour.

Better Help is a great resource where you can talk to a counselor from the comfort of your own home. 

Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish, and you will feel better in the long run.

Got any comments, questions or tips when I don’t want to be friends with someone anymore? Share them in the comments below.

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