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Top Ten Comebacks for Jerks

Great comebacks for JERKS

We have all met a jerk who makes every situation difficult and never realizes that they are the problem. You don’t have to try to win over the haters; after all, you are not the jerk whisperer. Life is way too short to spend your valuable time dealing with jerks. Sometimes a jerk will have it out for you for no reason. They may verbally attack you, belittle you in public, or embarrass you.

I went to pick up my nephew from school one day. One of the parents, a 40-year-old jerk, was on the playground. I had heard about him from others, putting kids down while elevating his own kid to look better.

My nephew was applying to a high school that was challenging to get into at the time. This guy said to him, “Do you really think that you will be in the 20 percent who will get accepted?” I just couldn’t believe that an adult could be so unkind to a kid!

If you can get the jerk out of your life, do so as soon as possible. Don’t waste your precious time thinking about the idiot.


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If you get tired of putting up with the jerk and their nasty behavior, here are a few snappy comebacks to let them know they need to back off.

Top ten snappy comebacks for jerks

  1. You have the rest of your life to be a jerk, why not take today off?
  2. Your comments about X are not acceptable.
  3. Did you mean to be so rude?
  4. It’s not okay with me that you comment on X. I’d like to ask you to stop.
  5. Time out, you can’t do that here. 
  6. You always have something negative to add to the conversation, don’t you?
  7. Life is funny… people will point out what’s wrong with you but they can’t see what’s wrong with themselves.
  8. Let’s chat when you are in a calmer mood, I want us to find a way to communicate in a more respectful way.
  9. It seems like you must be going through a challenging time. I am here if you need to talk.
  10. Name: this thing you’ve just said to me? Unacceptable. If I hear it one more time, I will refuse to speak to you for a day. After that, it’ll be two days, and the next time, it will be doubled to four.

Be prepared next time you run into a jerk

If you have to deal with a jerk who gives you a hard time, our bundle Snappy Comebacks any Situation can help you out. Be prepared for difficult people with clever responses on your phone or device any time or anywhere.

I received this email from a jerk

An Email I received from a jerk

This email made me laugh because this guy was such a jerk and yet he couldn’t see it.

He comes to a website with free content and then complains he has to scroll down slightly on his phone. Talk about first world problems, imagine if Mark had to walk a mile to a well to get water for his family.

It would have taken him a lot longer to find the web page to submit a comment than to scroll down past a couple of lines of text. We all have a choice of how we chose to spend time on this planet, some petty people spend their lives majoring in minor things.

Everyone has to deal with haters in their lives. I sent Mark the following message.

reply to an email hater

I should have said, “You have the rest of your life to be a jerk, why not take today off?”

They say that every bad situation contains the seed of good as well. I was thinking of ways to expand my content and Mark has just given me the idea to share emails from morons to prove a point.

Thanks, Mark!


Our FREE Starter Guide will show you the 3 simple steps you can take right now to stand up for yourself so that you can feel confident. It’s a game changer–get it free for a limited time!

More top ten comeback lists you might like

Justin Timberlake had to deal with a lot of jerks in high school

Justin Timberlake, Gage Skidmore, Wikipedia Commons

Singer Justin Timberlake wasn’t so popular growing up because he preferred music to football and in the state of Tennessee, where he grew up, that just wasn’t considered cool. He’s pretty popular with the ladies now, but he reveals he was picked on all the time at school and he had I had terrible acne and weird hair. When Justin was on the Ellen Dengeneres show he said, “The thing about life … is …… is … everything … you feel makes you weird is essentially what’s gonna make you sexy as an adult…. When you’re a kid I think you try so hard to fit in and when you get older you realize that fitting in isn’t really the thing that’s more interesting…. I would not be here if I would have listened to the kids who told me I was a terrible singer and I was a sissy…. Be different.”

When your dealing with a JERK, shut them ups with a comeback.


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61 Responses

      1. I used one of those on my mean annoying sister and she littarly asked me where I heard that and she actually stoped annoying me

      1. The middle ones. Sorry. I correct ppl too much. Just wanted to point out also ppl have 8 fingers and two thumbs. I’m too much of a clever cloggs. Sorry again

    1. That was a good comeback I’m gonna say that to some people that r sooooo annoying only bc I dumped this boy his best friend and him decided to be mean to me but I’m not bothered I’m a girl and I’ve floored a boy before so I will floor them if I have to

  1. Use this come back if someone is really geeky in videogames: Youve
    Earned an achievement! Being A Jerk

  2. what’s a good comeback for a rude ass guy who says shit about a past relationship that I had with one of his best friends?

  3. If ur in 5th grade and someone is making fun of u and their breath stinks u should say ur breath so hot the fire men couldn’t put it out. And another one is ur mama so fat when she stepped on the scale u saw her phone number

      1. There this kid that is really toxic to me when I play tennis. He says that I hit really weak, but I’m 10 and I can hit 50 mph. He says he wants me to “challenge” him. Keep in mind, he can’t even hit a ball. Anyways, my comeback was, “the only challenge you’re going to have, is to get the ball out of your face when this ball gets stuck in there”. That shut him up for quite a while.

  4. if somebody is talking crap about you say, “i wish i could make you uglier but nature already did it for me.” OR “were you born on a highway because that is were most accidents happen.” OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH they are going to need some ice for that burn.

  5. Do you remember that time you actually shut that hole if yours in your mouth? me neither!!
    If you think throwing stick and stones wil do you any good your even thicker than I thoght

  6. Someone said I know nothing I just thought of it but I would say thanks but I’m looking at somebody way dumber at least we have something in common

  7. ohhhhhhhh Burn! For fun (it’s not a roast) I say:” You were fired so you got burnt and now you’re roasted.”

  8. I would just say; Wow, you just won first prize for The Biggest Idiot On the Planet, but I don’t think anyone would want to take the time to write an article about it.

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