What to say when someone is trying to change you

Lazy people like to blame others for their own problems and shortcomings. Rather than put in the work to improve themselves, they point out how everyone else around them needs to change. They might start by saying that you need to change the way you dress, chew your food or who you hang out with. Slowly over time, their criticism can start to chip away at the essence of who you really are.

When a friend or loved one tries to change who you are it is very hurtful. There is a difference between genuine helpful feedback and a petty personal opinion.

If someone gives you honest feedback about how you can improve your life you probably want to listen and possibly implement some of it. Constructive feedback doesn’t include personal attacks on who you are, like the way you look or interact in the world.

When a person says that you need to change, it doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you, try and remember that it is just one person’s personal opinion. Just because someone doesn’t like something about you doesn’t mean it’s a bad trait.

Many famous people were rejected and told to change something about themselves that eventually became their trademark. Cindy Crawford was told that she needed to remove a mole, Lauren Hutton was told to fix her teeth, she refused and became famous for her gapped tooth smile. Two publishers passed on Harry Potter, now imagine explaining how you turned that book down to your boss! Some folks can’t see talent or beauty even if it is standing right in front of them.

When someone asks you to change, let them know that you are happy the way you are using one of our great comebacks.


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15 Best comebacks when people try to change you

1. I will not delete pieces of me to please you.

2. Take me as I am or watch me as I go. Your choice.

3. Don’t try to change me, accept me who I am. You can either love me or hate me but I can only be me.

4. Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have in changing others.

5. I know all of my flaws and am pretty comfortable with who I am at this stage of life.

6. I love you just the way you are. Please love me for who I am.

7. I get that you find it annoying when I do (fill in the blank). I will try to work on it going forward.

8. I don’t believe in changing who I am to impress others.

9. I have worked hard to evolve into the person I’ve become.

10. I am not comfortable changing my values to suit another person.

11. This is who I am. Take it or leave it.

12. Have you ever considered that you should stop trying to change other people and work on yourself?

13. I am really trying to live life as my authentic self. I don’t feel comfortable acting like someone else.

14. It’s funny how the people who want you to change are least likely to change anything about themselves.

15. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Why do people try to change others?

People may try to change others for many different reasons. Often, it may be because they genuinely care or are concerned about the the person and want to help them improve and live a better life. Other times, it may be because they have ideas of how others should behave and act to fit a certain expectations or they have an image in their mind of who the person should be.

There are some folks who want to control others, and by insisting people change they can exert power over the person. This behaviour can be considered manipulative, and it is important to be aware of what is happening in your relationship.

In life, we need to allow people to be their authentic selves and make choices that are right. for the. We can’t force the people in our lives to change, but we can offer guidance and support if it aligns with their best interests.

More comebacks you might like

How to deal with people trying to change you

When someone in your life is suggesting that you need to change, don’t blindly accept what they are saying, instead assess the situation. Try and undeprseantd why they are telling you to change and determine if they are truly supporting you and are truly concerned for your well being. If they do have your best interests at heart, you may want to consider their feedback.

When you feel that a person is trying to change you in a way that is unhealthy that suits their personal needs, it may be time to set some important boundaries in the relationship. You can thank the person for their input, but only you know what is best for you in terms of how to live your life.

You only have one life, and you want to surround yourself with positive people who appreciate who you are. If a person is constantly trying to change you and you don’t want to change, you may consider distancing yourself or eventually going no contact.

You are in charge of your life, and you need to take choices that are right for you. Don’t give in to pressure to be someone who you are not. You owe it to yourself to live life on your terms and be your authentic self.

Mandy was tired of her boyfriend trying to change her

Mandy had been in a relationship with her boyfriend, Jake, for over a year. At first, things were great between them, but over time, Jake began to criticize and belittle Mandy for her choices and behaviour. He constantly tried to change her, telling her what to wear, who to hang out with, and how to act.

Mandy tried to talk to Jake about how his behaviour was making her feel, but he always brushed her concerns aside and made her feel like she was overreacting. Finally, Mandy realized that Jake’s behaviour was not healthy or respectful, and she decided to end the relationship.

It was a difficult decision, but Mandy knew that she deserved to be with someone who accepted her for who she was and didn’t try to manipulate or control her. In the end, she felt empowered by her choice and was able to move on to a happier, healthier relationship.

The Role of counselling and self care

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Better Help is a great resource where you can talk to a counselor from the comfort of your own home. 

Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish, and you will feel better in the long run.

Check out what to say when people try to change you

Got any comments, questions or tips for dealing with an obnoxious person? Share them in the comments below.

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